Diary of a Mad Housewife

grams to ounces...this will come in handy.

2012-01-21T07:23:00.000-08:00

What a long strange trip it's been.........

2007-11-27T14:49:00.000-08:00

wow. It's been almost a year since I last posted here. And so much has happened!
I won't rehash all of the crap that happened on the Nutrisystem bulletin board, since anyone reading this probably already is aware of it already.
So...lessee....what's been going on......Aside from going to Colorado for Amy's vow renewal, I haven't done much of anything---but getting to hang out with Amy and Jan was enough fun to last a long time!
There's a lot happening in the near future for me, though... I'm having surgery on my elbow 2 days after Christmas. I'm so looking forward to that. NOT! The incision will run from the middle of my forearm to the middle of my upper arm. I'm having a variaton of an ulnar nerve transpositon.. My incision will be longer than usual because of the amount of damage to the nerve and the necessity of protecting as much of it as possible from future damage. Recovery will take approximately a year and a half....which really sucks, because it's already been over a year and a half since the original damage was done. Three years of not being able to use my dominant hand sort of sucks. But I'm sure I will continue to be a source of amusement for my friends and family-----it's definitely entertaining to watch me try to eat with a fork.
And I've become quite adept at typing with just 2 fingers on my left hand. I can't control a pen or pencil, so that's a good thing. Roger has really been wonderful about helping with things I can no longer do or things that are really difficult. And, as always when I have surgery, he bought me a beautiful gift---- A pair of Asscher cut diamond stud earrings. So these will be my elbow diamonds, and will go well with my hysterectomy pearls and my breast biopsy amethysts and peridots. LOL The earrings are actually a Christmas gift, but I prefer to think of them as my surgery good luck charms.
Aside from surgery, December is going to be a really busy month. I have a shitload of doctor's appointments, including one for some Restylane injections. I was going to have Thermage done as well, but I decided to wait until February for that. Then, of course, the holidays. This year we'll spend Christmas morning with the grandkids and the afternoon with my mom. Ryan will be home from college and I'm looking forward to having the whole family together.
I'm totally looking forward to spring---we bought a timeshare in Mazatlan and our week falls the same week that we went there for our honeymoon----April 7th through 14th. It's also a week after my birthday, so I will totally be celebrating on the beach under a palapa with some Pacifico beer and a few margaritas. Ole'!

Hi Everyone!

2007-06-30T20:58:00.000-07:00

I just want to welcome each and every one of you to the revival of my blog. That includes everyone---J/K! Glad to "see" you!
As some of you already know, I've done Jenny Craig on and off since I quit buying Nutrisystem food. Well, I started back on JC food this week and I'm happy to report that I lost 2.6 lbs. Whoohoo!! I'm still very limited in the exercise department because of the problems I have with my hand, so no weight-lifting, but I just bought a new treadmill to replace the one I got rid of a couple of years ago (thanks, Jan!). I have bought and sold more gym equipment than I want to admit. I got Rog to give up some of his garage space so I wouldn't have to look at the treadmill in my house, then bought an LCD tv to mount on the wall in the garage. I'm really feeling motivated and totally committed. Bodybuilding was such a huge part of my life for so many years, that it really feels good to get back to ANY kind of workout. Hopefully, surgery on my elbow will restore some of the use to my hand and I'll be able to get back to weights one day. I really didn't want to go through the surgery because of the long recovery time---about a year and a half---and the poor record of success with this type of surgery, but it's the only option left.I've been gearing up to emailing my surgeon and asking him to book the date, but I'd like to lose more weight first. There's no hurry on the surgery----they usually wait at least a year after the initial injury anyhow to see if the nerve will heal on it's own. It will be a year this week. I don't think I'll be celebrating THAT anniversary!
So onward and downward!

Gone, but never forgotten

2007-03-11T20:04:00.001-07:00

We let Savannah go on Tuesday. It was probably the most difficult thing I've done in my entire life. We took her to her favorite vet, Dr. Joy, who has taken care of her since she was a puppy. Joy had a blanket spread out for her and she died in our arms surrounded by Joy's staff who have been with us on this long ride that has been Savannah's life. I am so sad. Inconsolable, actually. And I really miss my sweet baby.

My Savannah.

2007-03-01T17:50:00.000-08:00

Savannah's dying. There, I've said it. It doesn't make it more or less real to say it. It is what it is.
The vets all agree. She probably has a brain tumor. That would explain her blindness better than the former diagnosis of Sudden Acquired Retinal Degeneration Syndrome. SARDS. A devastating thing on its own. But this brain tumor thing is really scary. Now I have to face all kind of questions. How long will she be lucid? Will she lose her ability to walk? Will she lose control of her bowels and bladder? How will it affect her personality? Would she die a painful death without intervention?
This poor dog has suffered her entire life. First with ITP--a horrible immune deficiency disease that kept her on heavy medication for almost a year. Then several bouts with pancreatitis....an offshoot of her ITP. This past summer we thought we finally had it licked. She was in remission from ITP and had just recovered from another bout of pancreatitis that had her in the hospital for a week. She was happy and healthy and enjoying life in general. She loved lying in the sun on our deck and going for long walks around the park. We live in a tiny community---about 8 small blocks of mixed-use construction with condos over quaint, chic, overpriced shops that cater to the wealthy vacationers who visit here in the heart of California wine country----and Savannah has become a favorite of the neighbors and shopkeepers. Some have a handful of "cookies" waiting for her when we visit and most let her in their stores to sniff around. She particularly likes Storybook Station because they keep a rocking chair with a stuffed animal in it out front that Savannah has been using as a landmark since she lost her sight in November. which brings me back to "we thought we finally had it licked". In November, we noticed that Savannah started bumping into a lot of things. She's always been klutzy, but this was different. She also started tripping over curbs and sliding down stairs. After about a week we noticed that her eyes were staying completely dilated all the time and had gone from a beautiful brown to a glowing green. A trip to the doggy opthamologist confirmed our fears. Savannah was totally blind and diagnosed with SARDS. If only that's all it turned out to be.
And now she is dying. She doesn't know it and she's as demanding as ever when it comes to her cookies. But last Friday, she had a grand mal seizure and ended up it in the hospital for the weekend. Roger took her to the doggy neurologist on Monday for a consultation. This morning she had another seizure. Milder this time, but still there. So now a tumor is the suspect. We will not have an MRI done to confirm it, because all of the vets have told us that any tumor large enough to sit on the optic nere and cause blindness, is too deep within her brain to remove.
So today I have spent most of the afternoon on the couch with Savannah's head in my lap. I have considered all of the options and come to a conclusion. I will NOT let this dog ----this wonderful sweet being, who has pulled me through so many tragedies just by sitting by my side---I will NOT let her suffer. It is a waiting game now. We know that we don't have much time left with her. But I will not let this tumor kill her in a long drawn-out painful death. She will die in my arms and will hear me say I love her and will feel my kisses on the top of her head. Daddy will be there, too, because she has always been there for both of us. It seems only fair that we're both there for her. And she'll know that she couldn't have been loved any better.

Mama always said---Keep your elbows off the table!

2006-09-16T14:32:00.000-07:00

Okay, right now, while you're using your mouse with your right hand, are you leaning on your left arm? DON'T!!
I learned this the hard way, and I gotta tell you, it's not worth it. Turns out the damage to my hand and arm are caused by a compressd nerve in my elbow, not in my neck. The good news is, I won't be having surgery on my neck. The bad news is, no type of surgery can fix it. I have damaged my ulnar nerve so badly that I have no feeling in my hand and have lost almost all use of my thumb and forefinger. The muscles in my hand have completely atrophied, my pinky and ring fingers are curling under and I have limited use of my arm. Being left-handed, this totally sucks. The only good news is that the middle finger is controlled by the median nerve, not the ulnar nerve, so I am flipping people off all of the time. There's something satisfying about that.
The worst part is that I can do no exercise whatsoever that involves my hand and arm. This includes holding onto handlebars of any kind, so my new rowing machine is in it's folded position, standing in the corner. No longer can I lift weights, use an elliptical machine or bike or anything else I'd like to do in the gym.
The nerve heals at the approximate rate of one inch per month and I have between 16 1/2 and 18 inches to heal. The ulnar nerve runs down the outside of your forearm and hand and then across your hand where it ends in the muscle between your thumb and forefinger. Whatever function I have left in a year and a half, is pretty much all I can expect. Because the damage is so severe, the nerve is not expected to heal all the way to the end and doctors do not expect me to regain full function of my thumb and forefinger. I am not allowed to bend my elbow, so I sleep with my arm Ace-bandaged to a splint. I'm having a brace made for my hand to prevent further contracture of my fingers.
So, unless you want to be a constant source of entertainment for your friends and family (they seem to get a kick out of the way I hold a fork), PLEASE keep your elbows off the table!

Chewing the fat. No pun intended.

2006-08-11T19:42:00.000-07:00

I've got to get myself off this damned merry-go-round. Lose a few pounds, gain a few pounds, lose it again, gain it again. I will go down in the Guinness Book of Records as the person who lost the least amount of weight in the most amount of time EVER.
It just figures that right when I'm ready to hit the gym full-throttle, I end up with compressed discs in my neck! No feeling or strength in my left hand or forearm at all. A little feeling in my right hand. Feet are a wee bit weak, but still getting me from place to place. I've been going to a physical therapist for traction and he has now suggested an inversion table and a home traction device. Should have kept my big house with the home gym instead of downsizing to a condo. LOL Good thing Ryan's leaving for school in 2 weeks----I can take over his room for a while.
And of course, NOW, is when my husband decides to start working out---after 20 years of me hounding him to join the gym, he finally has and he's actually going. Talk about adding insult to MY injury! AAAARGH!

Dare to Bare.

2006-07-27T13:57:00.000-07:00

I recently read in a national womens' publication that 67% of American women have gone Brazilian. Pubicly, anyhow. Certainly not publicly. 14% own just a landing strip, 11% prefer a neat triangle and a measly 8% would just rather be au naturelle. So I started wondering----who are these women in the 67%? The young newlywed 2 doors down? The middle-aged divorcee down the street trying to make a sexual comeback? 85 year old Mrs. McGillicuddy around the corner? My mother???? Now there's a visual I just don't need.
And just who decided eons ago that the female body needed any kind of hair removal? I mean, you know it had to have been a guy. Why DO we shave our legs and underarms? And why DON'T men have to do it. I have shaved, I have waxed, I have depiloritorized. I have Epi-Lady-ed til I just couldn't take it anymore and I have recently "Veet"ed. Meanwhile, my husband still has a back that looks like Sasquatch. I can't even begin to say how much satisfaction I would get out of waxing his back. The screams, the yelps, the ouches. YES!!! Payback for all those hairy bars of soap he leaves in the shower.
Sounds fair to me.

I'm so happy I could just shit.

2006-05-27T23:00:00.000-07:00

This week has been great. Really great. Savannah has perked up a little after her 6 day hospital experience. Unfortunately, she is no longer in remission from her ITP, but she is doing well, never the less. Today she almost seemed like her old self. Happy, playful, no vomiting. Now if we could take care of the diarrhea, we'd all be a little happier, but at least she seems more "with it". The first few days she was home, I really had my doubts that she'd ever feel good again. ITP is a horrible auto-immune disease. During her first bout with it, her platelets were attacked. This time it's her stomach and intestines. Hopefully she'll recover and go back into remission. Meanwhile she's on a bland, soft diet of EN canned food that I puree and feed to her 6 times a day. She takes Carafate twice a day to protect her stomach, Flagyl twice a day to kill off any bad bacteria, Prilosec to prevent heartburn, Reglan to help with nausea and Mylanta as needed. If she doesn't stop vomiting completely, we'll put her on a special type of Prednisone that is made to dissolve at the trouble sites. She's a regular science project complete with charts and graphs!
Kelly is also home from the hospital and doing well. Apparently she has viral meningitis and it will take a couple of weeks to run it's course. But a much better diagnosis than the stroke or Lupus they thought it was. Scary, scary scary. She is still exhausted and still has moments of confusion and incoherency, but her boyfriend Tony is keeping a good eye on her.
And I am happy and relieved and grateful and a lot less stressed than I was for the past couple of weeks. I'm still housebound with the dog, but I see light at the end of the tunnel. Tomorrow will be my first day back in the gym in forever----I wanted to go Friday, but I haven't been sleeping well at night, so I slept in instead. Hopefully, I'll get a good night's rest tonight and I'll be on my way to a kick-ass body once again.

Priscilla

2006-05-20T13:33:00.000-07:00

Tomorrow would have been, should have been my friend Priscilla's 57th birthday. She died in 1992 at the age of 43. We lost Priscilla to a cancer that never should have killed her. She was too embarrassed to go in for regular pap smears. Sometimes I'm still angry with her. But the days and weeks right before her death are the ones that supply me with the best memories. My favorite is of when we were all seated around her hospital bed---her mother, husband and I---waiting, just waiting for whatever would come next. She's was comatose---had been for a few days---and we were doing our best to keep her comfortable and ourselves occupied with the business of keeping her comfortable. She was sleeping on a pad filled with gel, to reduce the possibility of bedsores, though why, I do not know. What is a bedsore when you are dying of cancer? The head of the bed was elevated and Priscilla kept sliding down into the flat portion of the bed. Her husband and mother, or husband and me or mother and me or any combination thereof, kept lifting her under the arms and pulling her up to the top of the bed. After doing this a dozen or so times over the course of a couple of days, Priscilla shot up into a seated position and yelled, "God-fucking-damnit! Everytime I start to get comfortable, you fucking assholes pick me up and move me." She then quietly laid back down and went to sleep for another day before she died. Those were her last words. And I smile, then chuckle, then laugh out loud when I remember them. Priscilla was always such a lady, she was delicate and feminine, well-mannered and considerate. She didn't smoke, drink or swear in all the years I knew her. I used to tease her and call her Prissy. But with those words, she taught me about dignity and courage. Apparently she was a lot tougher than I thought.
The following summer I was diagnosed with the same type of cancer that killed Priscilla. I would probably not have gone in for an exam if it weren't for her.
In a way, she saved my life by losing hers.
I promised Priscilla's mother that I would share her story with people every year to commemorate her life and to possibly save someone else's.
PLEASE see your doctor for an annual Pap Smear and HPV test.

good news, bad news, no news.

2006-05-17T23:53:00.000-07:00

So the good news is, Savannah came home from the hospital today. We still don't have the results from the endoscopy, but at least she ate a little food today and it stayed down. She seems to be in a considerable amount of pain, but is still her sweet, good-natured self. If you touch her tummy she starts shaking and whimpering and it's so hard to see her in pain. She's definitely stressed and anxious. I cannot leave her sight or she starts crying. But tonight she seems a lot less anxious than she was earlier, so I'm hoping a less stressful environment than the hospital will help.
And the bad news. My stepdaughter Kelly was admitted to UCSF Medical Center today. She apparently was having flu-like symptoms yesterday and the day before. When her mom called her today to see how she was doing, Kelly couldn't put together her thoughts and words to form a sentence. She was taken to the emergency room and later admitted. She had a CAT scan tonight that came back clear, as well as a spinal tap to check for meningitis. That came back clear as well. They wanted to do an MRI, but she became too agitated and got up out of the MRI machine and walked out of the room. They gave her some Ativan to settle her down and they will try to do an MRI again tomorrow. Right now it doesn't look like she had a stroke, but it's still a possibility. She still can not speak much---she just occasionally says a word that doesn't necessarily have anything to do with what she was asked. I am so heartsick tonight. And my husband is devastated.
The no news: no results from Savannah's endoscopy. No definitive test results for Kelly.

Savannah

2006-05-16T21:54:00.000-07:00

A pillow and a down comforter----what more does a girl need?

My best four-legged friend is sick. Really sick. And I am having such a hard time with it. Savannah has been my "rock" during so many hard times in my life. She arrived in my life shortly after my last boxer, Dusty, drowned in my swimming pool late one night. When Dusty died, I swore I wouldn't get another dog for a long time. I just didn't think I could love another as much as I had loved her. And then Savannah showed up in my life and everything changed. When she was about a year old, Roger and I separated. Savannah was there for me. When my brother died a few years later, Savannah was there for me. When a close friend dumped me, Savannah took care of me. And when Savannah contracted a near-fatal immune deficiency disease, I was there for her and I took care of her. I gave her 8 different meds, 8 times a day for 8 months. Easy to remember. I quit my part-time job to stay home with her. We became inseparable during that time. She took care of me, and I took care of her.
Savannah has been in the hospital now for 5 days. She has had a few bouts with pancreatitis before, but last week she vomited blood two different times, 5 days apart. The cause is obviously something besides pancreatitis,although she has that, too. Today she had an endoscopy to try to find the reason. In an endoscopy, a tiny camera is sent down the throat and esophagus into the stomach to film the interior of the stomach. The doctor found a lot "angry" red spots and took numerous samples of tissue to send to the pathology lab. He also found food that had not been digested although Savannah had not eaten for about 12 hours. The food should already have passed out of her stomach. So things aren't looking too great. And I'm pissed because the entire time she has been in the hospital, I have been asking the vet about what could be causing the bleeding. And I kept hearing "pancreatitis". Now I'm not a vet, but I have studied human physiology and I know that frank blood in vomit is not coming from anywhere past the stomach. If the bleeding is anywhere in the digestive system beyond the stomach, blood would be found in the stool, not in vomit. So when they told me last night that they thought she could come home today, I asked AGAIN if they had figured out where the bleeding was coming from. The answer was no, so after much discussion and a consultation with 2 other vets, it was decided that they would do the endoscopy. So things aren't looking good and I am wondering if she would have gotten this sick if they had done the endoscopy sooner. Who knows? We won't get the results back from the lab for a few days. It could be something as simple as ulcers. It could be something as serious as cancer. But my dog is coming home tomorrow. And we will be there for each other and I will take care of her no matter what. I couldn't do anything less for my best friend.

War is not healthy for children and other living things. Protest slogan from the Vietnam era.

2006-04-16T02:19:00.000-07:00

After reading a reply to this entry, I decided to edit this somewhat. The body of this entry remains the same. I am merely adding a preface.First off, let me say, that I don't expect everyone to agree with me. This is strictly MY opinion---and I'm entitled to it, just as you are to yours. My political leaning is to the left---you are forewarned. LOL. My family has personally and greatly been affected by war. Starting with my mother who grew up in an enemy-occupied town during World War 2. She lost her 17 year old brother. I have lost 2 uncles on my father's side--one was killed during WW2 and one was killed in the Korean war. I have lost 2 cousins in Vietnam. I hate war, I will always hate war. I especially hate wars that are designed to feed the American political machine. That being said, I also would like to state, that I have the utmost amount of respect for our soldiers who fight every day for what they believe is right. I may not agree with them, but I respect their choice to join the military and to fight for their beliefs. My son-in-law is career military and my 2 step-grandchildren have also chosen to be career military. I respect that. Completely. But I still want them to be as safe as possible. Here is the rest of my entry in it's entirety:
I'm fed up with the business of dirty politics. I'm fed up with a leader who is beginning to sound more and more like a dictator every day. I am fed up with seeing our children go off to fight a war that is putting money into politicians' pockets. And right now I'm am fed up with the latest word from the Pentagon. Most of us have already heard that there is not enough protective gear to go around for all of our soldiers. Parents of many soldiers fighting in Iraq and Afghanistan have had to purchase protective vests and send them to their children overseas. That in itself pisses me off. Uhmm--if you're gonna send a bunch of people over to fight a war, why aren't they ALL provided with protective gear? What if the family cannot afford to purchase protective gear?
The government issued vests are a brand called "Interceptor". The manufacturer of Interceptor vests has a long-standing contract with the U.S. government. Unfortunately, they are unable to keep up with the demand for them, and civilians cannot purchase them. There is a company in Fresno, California, that manufactures another brand of protective vest called "Dragonskin". They do NOT have a contract with the US military and therefore can not sell or even GIVE the equipment to our soldiers through the military. These ARE available for purchase to civilians and this is the brand that families of soldiers are buying to protect their loved ones. The Pentagon has just issued a statement proclaiming that if a soldier is killed wearing a Dragonskin vest, his or her family will NOT receive death benefits. If a soldier is injured while wearing the Dragonskin vest, he or she may NOT receive full medical benefits.
Now, I could understand (sort of) the government issuing this edict, IF the Dragonskin vest was an inferior product and did not deflect ammunition as well as the Interceptor vest. But here's the deal---even the manufacturer and distributer of the Interceptor vest is saying that the Dragonskin vest is a BETTER piece of protective gear! Testing by an independent company has proven that it deflects MORE types of ammo than the Interceptor vest. Now, I'm sure some of you are thinking, "If the Dragonskin vest is so good, the soldiers shouldn't be killed while wearing them." This seems to be part of the government's argument, as well. But consider this--- it is a VEST. It only covers the upper torso. People are still dying from head injuries and bleeding to death after having extremities blown off. This happens with either brand of vest. But if they are wearing an Interceptor vest or NO VEST AT ALL, their families still receive death benefits. If they are wearing a Dragonskin vest, they will get NO BENEFITS whatsoever! Even if their death was cause by a head injury, not a torso hit. Even if their legs were blown off and they bled to death.
If our government can not make sure that our children fighting overseas are protected as much as possible, and we have to purchase their protective gear for them, how the hell can they dare deny death and medical benefits?
If this pisses you off, as much as it does me, please, please write to your congressman or senators or state representitives. Not one of our soldiers overseas should die a senseless death that could have been prevented with a protective vest. And not one family of a soldier killed in war should be denied compensation for their loss. Not one maimed man or women should be denied full medical benefits.

Ugh. There's no progress being made here!

2006-03-23T20:23:00.000-08:00

This is what my new home looks like 2 weeks after moving in. Remarkably, it looks exactly the same as it did 2 weeks ago.

Home Sweet Home. Yeah, right.

2006-03-15T16:15:00.000-08:00

We are finally in our new condo. It's so weird not to be living in a house with a backyard! And it's so weird to go from 3000 sq. ft. to under 2000 sq. ft.! I really thought we had purged enough stuff before moving, but I guess not. Geez, we filled a 20 yd. dumpster and made about 50 (no exaggeration!) trips to Goodwill, but we still have way too much stuff!
Ryan is still in shock over how small his room is! He went from a 14x16 ft. room, (not including the big bay window where his built-in desk was) with a huge walk-in closet, to a very small 10x12 room with a very small closet. I keep reminding him that in a few months he'll be living away at college, but it's still an ajustment.
I'm just having problems trying to figure out where to store my pots and pans! I don't have a problem with the smaller space---it's just finding places to put stuff.
I haven't met all of my neighbors yet, but it's very quiet around here. I did meet the guy who's opening the Far West Trading Co and Tea Bar down below one of my neighbors condos. He's very cool and I'm sure I'll spend lots of time in his shop.
For any of you who are unfamiliar with the type of community this is, it's a mixed use community. It's called the Town Green Village and it's groups of condos surrounding the town green park. The condos are all above businesses--mostly fancy little shops that sell fancy little things and clothing that no one can afford, except maybe tourists. The community was designed to resemble the original downtown area which has been gone for many years. To me, it kinda looks like Main St. in Disneyland! LOL Each condo has a different facade. It's been written up in all kinds of publications and the Sierra Club lists it as one of the top 10 communities in the nation, because of it's mixed usage buildings and the fact that you can walk to all the stores and restaurants. It's very charming. There are restaurants and cafes with sidewalk seating like in Europe and an Irish Pub on the corner.
Now about the inside of my condo---you can't walk from one room to the other! I have so many boxes stacked in every room, I can't stand it! I was sick in bed the first 2 1/2 days we were here, so I'm running behind on my unpacking. This place is a mess, but until I figure out what to do with everything, I guess I'll just have a mess.

Genius??

2006-02-24T23:14:00.000-08:00

Captain Beefheart... you are one of the first

modern fucked-up geniuses. When it comes to

creating, you rank right up there with the

likes of James Mangan, John Wilmot and Edvard

Munch.

Which fucked-up genius composer are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

Shut up, already!!

2006-02-22T00:50:00.000-08:00

I don't know what's going on over on the NS bulletin board. There is so much misinformation! Newbies helping newbies----it's like the blind leading the blind! And it's not their fault. Most oldies are over at Jazzman's BB, so there are not all the people to answer questions like there were a year ago. I cringe when I read some of the replies to posts. Like when somebody asked if they could have asparagus and someone else replied yes---just watch the amount. Whaaaa? Watch the amount??? WHY?? Have as many fucking asparagus as you like, folks! It's not gonna make you fat! Neither is broccoli, spinach, brussel sprouts, green beans OR EVEN peas and corn. Yes, I know they're carbs, but who the hell ever got fat eating peas and corn, honestly? I mean, come on have you ever heard anyone say, "I never should have had that last 1/2 cup of peas cause now I can't fit into my jeans"? It's the Big Macs and fries that make you fat. It the senseless stuffing of your body with chocolate donuts and Kit-Kat bars. It's the BAGS of Doritos and potato chips. I swear, people, it is NOT asparagus!
And medical advice!! OMG! Why would you ask a bunch of strangers for medical advice? Generalizations, maybe, but asking for specific medical advice or GIVING specific medical advice is nuts. I don't care if you ARE a professional--if you don't have access to someone's medical history, why would you give them specific advice?
I don't even give SPECIFIC exercise advice unless I know someone's medical history. Here's a personal example: If I were to ask medical advice or even exercise advice and didn't let anyone know that I have a history of 4 strokes, I would probably receive a lot of advice that would be detrimental to my health. If I were to follow some of that inappropriate advice, I could DIE. I don't know if that's a good example or not. But it's true. So here's my best medical advice---ASK YOUR DOCTOR.
I guess what I'm trying to say here, is take it all with a grain of salt. If you really need an answer to something and what you're reading on the board is confusing or you get 5 different answers to the same question, do a search on Yahoo or Google it or Ask Jeeves for God's sake. Then choose a website that you know is reliable. www.discoveryhealth.com is a really good one.

How's your inner child?

2006-02-17T17:24:00.000-08:00

Your Inner Child Is Surprised

You see many things through the eyes of a child.
Meaning, you're rarely cynical or jaded.
You cherish all of the details in life.
Easily fascinated, you enjoy experiencing new things.

How Is Your Inner Child?

Stolen from Scarlett's blog.

2006-02-17T17:20:00.000-08:00

You Are Mexican Food

Spicy yet dependable.
You pull punches, but people still love you.

What Kind of Food Are You?

MMMmmm!!

2006-02-16T19:00:00.000-08:00

OMG--I am eating the new JC cookies and cream cheesecake. I have died and gone to heaven! There is nothing diet tasting about it! I don't know who's coming up with the recipes for JC food, but kudos to whomever it is!!
Savannah is feeling much better after 2 trips to the vet in 2 days. She has severe allergies and was sneezing and coughing so much on Tuesday that we thought she might have inhaled something. They knocked her out so they could look up her nose and down her throat and there was nothing to be found. The vet said her nose was completely raw inside---probably just from pollen. The tree in the picture is in full bloom in February and is probably one of the culprits. It seems like everything has started to bloom around here lately. Then Wednesday, we noticed a raw oozing "hot spot" at the base of Savannah's stub tail and on the underside of it. Her tail has always been a problem. It was docked before we got her and whoever did it docked it too much and pulled the skin too tight. We've actually had exposed bone problems in the past. So it was back to the vet on Wednesday to make sure it wasn't infected. Now we have to spray her 3x a day with her "butt spray". There's apparently nothing a lot of money can't fix! Since Thanksgiving our vet bills have exceeded the $5000 mark! Which is better than 2 years ago when we hit the $10,000 mark! But our 2 dogs are our babies and there's nothing I wouldn't do for either of them. If you go back into my blog archives to the month of November, you can see pics of our first big vet bill of the season!

Howdy Doody!!

2006-02-13T17:58:00.000-08:00

Wow, I'm so excited. We finally got our new car yesterday. It's an Audi Quattro TT and it's so pretty. I had an Audi years ago and I wanted personalized license plates that said "Audi DO D" and I never got around to getting it. Now I want one that says "Howdy2T". Or something to that effect. Yeah, I know it's really cheesy, but "cheesy" describes my sense of humor pretty well.
I'm getting pretty excited about the new condo, too. I can't believe it's been 4 months since we sold our house and moved into a temporary rental til our condo is finished. I am SOOoooo ready to get into our new place. I just hope it's completed by March 2nd. We're closing on the 1st, but technically the condo doesn't have to be completed til the second. I just hope this all works out, cause the movers are delivering all my furniture that's been in storage. We've had a few construction set-backs, but I'm keeping my fingers crossed. I already ordered the plantation shutters for the 8 windows on the front of the condo and one window in the family room, but I still need to find something for the sliding door and the office and Ryan's room. I was hoping plantation shutters would work on the sliding door, but after having them here in the rental, I don't find them very practical.
Still doing okay on Jenny Craig, but haven't felt well the past couple of days so I haven't been able to eat everything. My throat is very sore tonight, so I'm just having soup again. I moved my weigh-in up a day, so who knows?

If you don't like my cussing, go away.

2006-02-05T11:00:00.000-08:00

The whole censorship thing on the Nutrisystem bulletin board is just too darned funny. Apparently they're using some sort of filter to eliminate swear words from the posts. But it's backfiring! You can't write "finish it" because the "sh" at end of finish and "it" form the word shit. You can't combine weight loss and exercise because of the "s" at the end of loss and the "ex" at the beginning of exercise. You CAN write ASS, BITCH and SCREW. But you CAN'T say cocktail.
I'm guessing their filter works kinda like spellcheck. It just can't differentiate so it says everything is wrong.
But what the fuck is wrong with these damned assholes over at Nutrisystem?? (sorry, I just had to write that). Give them a position of power and they become Hitler or Dubya---depending on your politics. I hate people who think that because they have a title, they have control over all things. But like the wizard of Oz, they eventually are found out. So, Stacy Jimenez, NS board moderator---come out from behind the curtain at NS. Click your heels together 3 times and go home.

No Butts about it.

2006-02-02T18:49:00.000-08:00

I scored the following in the Butt Quiz
	12 out of 15
Can you spot the difference between a male and female butt? Take the Butt Quiz at JokesUnlimited.com

RY-ANNNNNNN!!!!!!

2006-01-19T11:35:00.000-08:00

Okay, so we all want to raise our kids to become loving, compassionate, generous of spirit, kind, caring self-sufficient people, right? At least that's the kind of adults I want my children to be. Well, I guess I forgot to put self-sufficent on the list when I got to my youngest child! Yikes!! My nineteen old "baby" seems to be just that sometimes---a baby! In the course of 24 hours he has let out a scream because there was a moth in his room--a moth!!!! ( From the decibel level of that scream,I swear, I thought he'd cut off a finger),he has come to me because the cat puked in his room and apparently he didn't know how to clean it up---hunh!!---and he came in complaining that he had muddy shoes. What the F@$%&??? Now in all fairness, Ryan IS everything else on that list. I have tried to raise him in a way that he would be an ideal husband/partner one day. And I set the bar pretty damned high. He is a wonderful boyfriend to his girlfriend of 3 years, Shannon. He is loving and generous and extremely romantic. He even took culinary classes so he can cook for her every weekend when he visits her at UCBerkeley. He wants her to have home-cooked meals instead of all that cafeteria junk. He buys her flowers on a regular basis. He puts a lot of thought into the gifts he gives her. He even eats fruit and vegetables when he's with her---no small feat for a guy who had never tasted broccoli or eaten a banana in his entire life!
On top of all that, he's worked extremely hard at the junior college for the last 2 years to stay on the deans' honors list so he could be accepted at San Francisco State University this coming fall. (yeeha!!--he just got his acceptance letter).
But he's afraid of moths, and cat puke grosses him out and he stills steps in mud.
One the one hand, it all strikes me as totally silly. On the other, it's just part of what makes him so endearingly charming. And maybe the whole school experience will help with the self-sufficiency.
Hmmmmmm. Maybe he IS all those things on the list. Whaddya know?!
And did I mention cute?

What decade do you identify with? (Stolen from Jan's blog)

2006-01-15T17:22:00.000-08:00

what decade does your personality live in?

quiz brought to you by lady interference, ltd

Happy as a Pismo clam.

2006-01-12T13:01:00.000-08:00

I had my JC weigh-in this morning and I was down another 2.3 lbs!!! Yeah for me. I really need to kick in some exercise this week though, cause I won't lose at this rate forever. I've been about 99% on my food and 100% on water. Only 99% on food cause I did treat myself to my favorite vanilla cappuccino yesterday. I've decided that vanilla cappuccino from the machine at the mini-mart will be my once a week treat. It's better than Starbucks and to go from a 20 oz. cup every day to a 10 oz. cup once a week is huge for me. My counselor set a goal for me of 1.5 lbs for the coming week. I hope I can beat that by a few ounces.
I'm still loving the food. This week it cost me $92. Yeah, it's a little more than NS, but I don't have to buy bread/rolls or as many veggies and yogurts, so it's a wash, really. I love the chicken fajitas, so I bought 2 of those!
We finished ordering all the stuff for the condo. Yeehaw!! My kitchen faucet arrived yesterday and I LOVE it! This morning we ordered the bathroom faucets, the instant hot water dispenser and the rack/grid thingies for the bottoms of the kitchen sinks. If you want to see a pic of the kitchen faucet it's at:

http://www.cotswold.com/product_results.php?id=182&man=62

The model is the Moony 3110 at the bottom left. We got the brushed silver finish, which is actually brushed nickel. It's gorgeous. Of course, I like very contemporary stuff, so I know it's not for everyone!

Woe is F@#$%&* me again.

2006-01-11T12:00:00.000-08:00

I'm almost afraid to write anything here after the short brouhaha of few days ago. GET A CLUE,eveyone. This is MY blog. You are welcome to read it and leave comments, but you are here at your own risk. This is NOT strictly a weight loss journal. It has NOTHING to do with Nutrisystem, or even Jenny Craig. It is my own personal feelings. Sometimes my feelings will be the same from day to day, sometimes my feelings on a Tuesday will contradict what my feelings were on Monday. And if I wanted to post this to the NS bulletin board, I would. But I don't, so I write it here. And I would prefer that you left it here, as well. You are welcome to your own feelings about what I write here, and I welcome your comments on this forum.
THAT being said, I've had a great week. According to my scale, I'm down another 2lbs, for a total of 6 lbs. in 2 weeks. My weigh-in is tomorrow and who knows what JC's scale will say---last week my scale said I lost 4 lbs. Their scale said 3. My starting weight on both scales was the same, so go figure. But I'm going with what my scale says, cause when it said 120 lbs, I was happy! So when I get back to that weight on my scale, if JC's scale says 121, I'll still be happy! I still love the food. I bought completely different entrees this week and I liked them all. I just wish there weren't nuts in so many of the breakfasts and desserts. I'm sort of limited to 3-4 items in each category. Darn! At least the french toast is awesome--I don't think I'll ever get tired of it.

Phew!!! It's not a huge difference in price. Surprise.

2005-12-31T14:57:00.000-08:00

So, I figured out what my JC food would cost compared to the NS food and I was pleasantly surprised. With discounts starting at 10% week 1 all the way up to 35% by month 5, the enrollment fee will be paid up. And because I don't have to buy as many add-ins as I did with NS, I'll only be spending about $20 more per week than with NS! And by the time I get to month 5, I'll actually be spending LESS on food. Gotta love it. I was afraid, it was gonna be too expensive, but hell, I waste $20 a week on who-knows-what,anyhow.
The food is fabulous. I had a blueberry muffin for breakfast along with fruit and yogurt. My snack was a Starbucks FF SF vanilla latte, lunch was a turkey burger and salad and my afternoon snack is popcorn--buttered!!! Dinner is mac and cheese and veggies and I'll have a baked apple for dessert. The muffin was AWESOME!! I was a little afraid of the turkey burger, but it was to DIE for! It had onions and peppers and it came on a potato roll with BBQ sauce. All of the entrees that require bread come with bread, which will save a few dollars every week.
Last night I had Salisbury steak that was delicious--it was actually recognizable as meat, and was not swimming in sauce. It came with roasted potatoes, peas and carrots and I had brussel sprouts with it. YUM! And did I mention the real chocolate cake with real frosting? OMG. I'm in diet heaven.
I am really happy not to be putting soy in my body. I know it's a great source of protein, but I'm not supposed to have it and it upsets my tummy anyhow. JC is slightly higher in protein than NS and doesn't add a lot of soy. Some items have it, others don't, so I'll choose the ones without.

A new plan, a new me. Really, I mean it this time. Honest.

2005-12-29T14:42:00.000-08:00

Okay, I signed up at Jenny Craig this morning. I decided long ago that I just can't face another NS entree ever again. I've done NS twice now--once in 2000 and again over the past year--and I quit both times because I hated the food. All of it. My doctor didn't want me to have the soy because I've had an estrogen related cancer and honestly, the soy kind of upset my entire system, but I wanted to do it anyhow cause I was desperate. Well, I guess not that desperate. So now I'm doing JC and despite the huge difference in price, I'm really happy about it. I did JC a year ago for about a month and LOVED the food. Imagine, real chocolate cake with real frosting, real raspberry cheesecake, great muffins and dinner that's not totally covered with yucky sauce. Chicken alfredo--yum!
I won't even mention what my weight is now, but let's just say that most of last year was spent gaining back some of the 23 lbs. I lost!
Today I stopped in at Kohl's to return some stuff and much to my dismay, bathing suits are already on the racks! I literally cringed as I walked past them. Itty bitty bikinis, sleek black maillots, gorgeous halter one-pieces. That was a major kick in my major booty.
So even though I'll be eating JC food, I will still take advantage of the fabulous support on the NS board. I gotta say, I still think that's the best part of the whole NS plan and I've met some great people there. The JC BB really sucks anyhow.

Woe is F@#$%&* me!

2005-12-27T23:32:00.000-08:00

Okay, I'm not going to visit the NSBB as often for a while. We're approaching newby hell and I just can't take part in it. Nothing against newbies---I was one not that long ago, but I can't take the negativity right now. You know, the "I can't do it, I have no support at home, I have no willpower, my DH doesn't understand" crap. I'm dealing with my own weight loss hell right now.
But here's the reality of it, folks: Losing weight is a full time job. You need to live it and breathe it and WORK it! Ask anyone who's had a successful long-term weight loss. You can't do it half-assed. It has to be the first thing you think about in the morning and the last thing you think about at night. It takes planning, it takes effort, it takes WORK (there's that word again). There is no magic pill, there is no magic weight loss plan. Nope, sorry, not even NS is magic. No matter what plan you choose, it won't work for you if you don't work it. You need to make it your top priority--it's more important than anything or it doesn't work. You wouldn't cancel a dental app't to go have lunch with your sister. Why on earth would you cancel your workout? Cause believe me, carrying around that extra weight can be just as painful as the worst toothache, in the long run.
So instead of making a new year's resolution to lose weight, this year, I'm making a resolution to just do it. Whatever 'it" may be. Cause I'm gonna do whatever it takes to make it WORK.

Home free for a whole year!!!

2005-12-27T00:44:00.000-08:00

Thank God---the mad rush is over. I will never, ever be this disorganized through the holidays again. This was the first time in years that I didn't have everything done a month before Christmas. And that's all I have to say on the subject.
The new year is right around the corner. Only 5 days until a brand new year! I love New Year's. It's like this wonderful bright shiny gift, just waiting to be unwrapped. WAY better than Christmas. I get to make of it whatever I want! And this year there will be no new year's resolutions. NONE. Yippee!! I will set short term goals instead. Every week, I will post here what my goal for that week will be. And I'm starting now. Why wait? So this week, my goal is to get at least 30 minutes of exercise per day. Even if I don't do it all at once, I will get up and move for a total of at least 30 minutes a day. So there you have the first part of goal #1. The second part of goal #1 is that I will use this space to log EVERYthing I eat EVERY day. I have found that I really need to be accountable for my weight loss and weight gain. I have had more of the latter lately and it's time to refocus. I am seriously considering defecting from NS and going the JC route. I do not like the employees at the JC center here--I have dropped out of the program twice in the past 5 years because I always felt bad about myself after my appointments there. I don't need lectures, people. I need support. Even when I've had no loss for a week. ESPECIALLY when I've had no loss for a week. But this time, I will ignore everyone's self-righteous attitude and do it no matter what. I'm not there for THEM after all. I'm there for ME. I'm considering JC again instead of NS because I really like the food a lot better. It's just higher quality all the way around. And I'm willing to bite the bullet to pay for it. But the support system at NS is a zillion times better, so I will continue to utilize the NS support board. It's so much a part of my life now, and I've made so many friends there, that I just can't imagine defecting totally.
Anyhow, I'm off to bed now---early for me--because I'm anxious to start a new day. And it feels good!

Tree's up. Whoop.

2005-12-19T17:49:00.000-08:00

It just doesn't feel like Christmas this year. Maybe it's because we're not in our new home yet. Maybe it's because this is a sad time of year for so many. Don't know. But look out NEXT year. Cause I'm gonna make it the Christmas to beat all Christmases! I am not going to let my own losses spoil the holidays for the rest of the family--especially my little step-grandbabies. I WILL be below goal weight--yes, I will, honest, I swear! But I REFUSE to allow my depression around the holidays to spoil it for everyone else. And with that said, the pics above are what Christmas is all about.... My 4 year old grandson's preschool Christmas show and my 21 month old granddaughter's red sweater. She loves that sweater and wants to wear it every day.
Happy Holidays, ALL!!!

What the....?

2005-12-10T22:22:00.000-08:00

We're finally reaching some decisions as far as upgrades for the condo goes. Unfortunately, the vanity we ordered for the guest bathroom had a big chunk missing from one side. So now we have to return it and we're kinda back to square one on that. We might just get the standard vanity and have it topped with slate and put in a brushed stainless vessel sink. There's really not enough time to order anything else. Oh well. Roger would like one of those really cool glass vanities with the sink molded in, but with the hard water we have here, I'm afraid we'll have water spots we'll never be able to get rid of with it.
Tonight I'm hoping to get some sleep. I have to do marathon Christmas shopping tomorrow. Yikes--I hate going to the mall. Hate any kind of shopping, period. Last night I didn't get to sleep til about 4-4:30 and I woke up about 5:30 after a disturbing dream. I dreamed that Dianna was beating the crap out of me. I don't know what provoked the beating. I just remember feeling the punches and the kicks. I woke after she clipped me on the jaw! I'd love to have that dream analyzed! I imagine it has something to do with the emotional beating she's given me over the last year. Who knows?

Chrome Plated Heart

2005-12-05T00:53:00.000-08:00

Allrighty. It's 1 am and I can tell sleep is not gonna happen for quite a while. I have a zillion things running through my head and if I could just reach a conclusion on any of them, I might be able to fall asleep before dawn.
I'm thinking of all the stuff I still have to do as far as the new condo goes. I've got lists a mile long in my mind. I had hoped that if I wrote those lists down in a notebook, I'd stop thinking about everything on them for a while. Not. So maybe if I post them here, it will work. Yeah, right.

List #1, Things already done:
Picked out carpet
Picked out slate for entry floor, powder room floor and around fireplace
Chose vinyl for laundry room
Picked flooring for kitchen
Argued with Appliance company and building contractor about kitchen appliances
Won argument and got appliances I wanted, including a microwave that has to be shipped from God-only-knows-where.
Argued with building contractor and cabinet maker about changing the door style on the cabinets.
Won argument and got the style doors I wanted
Found the perfect granite for the kitchen counters, only to be told it was not available.
Cried over granite 'cause I don't want to pay $7500 for some other granite I don't like as well
Talked to the granite guy who located some of the granite 200 miles away and agreed to have it shipped up here for my perusal

List #2, Things I haven't done:
Haven't found faucets for the 2 upstairs bathrooms
Haven't found a faucet for the vessel sink in the downstairs bathroom
Haven't found a kitchen faucet
Haven't found ANY light fixtures I love
Haven't found any glass mosaic tile for the kitchen backsplash
Haven't ordered the new entertainment center
Haven't ordered the dining room table
Haven't bought the 2 extra chairs for the dining room
Haven't found new speakers, etc. for the theatre system
Haven't found tile, marble, limestone or anything else for the 2 upstairs bathrooms

Okay, so those are the condo related things on running around in my head.

Then there's the Dianna thing. Which is what the title of this post refers to.
But it's not just about her, really. It's the time of year that things start to push me down. I get really, really depressed around the holidays. Nothing special about that. A lot of people do. I'd just like to get through Christmas without all the negative emotions it brings on. I miss my family desperately. Nothing special about that, either. Again, a lot of people do. But would it be too much to ask, to have the people who ARE around me to give me a little support here? I have lost so many people close to me. Thanksgiving was the anniversary of my father's death. So that always gets the holiday season off to a great start. He died on Thanksgiving day on the 24th of November. So this year Thanksgiving fell on the 24th, which made it even more poignant. My very best friend Priscilla died in 1992 at the age of 43. My sister died at the age of 45 in 1993. And my baby brother died 2 years ago at the age of 45. The last time anyone in the family saw him was on Christmas Day, and as far as we can tell, he died on New Year's Day. So now we're up to 3 holidays shot to hell. I'd like to just sleep from about the middle of November til the middle of January. But we all know that ain't gonna happen. I can't even sleep through the friggin night! Hell, I can't even GET to sleep. So I think trying to play the Rip van Winkle thing just isn't gonna work.
And then there's Dianna. Again. A recap for those who never read my post about her: Dianna and I were best friends for about 10 years. We met through a mutual friend who recommended her to me as a personal trainer. (yeah, I know you're probably wondering why a personal trainer needs a personal trainer. Hey, EVERYONE can use some motivation!) Anyhow, D and I became really good friends. You know, the kind you can tell anything to, the kind you want to share everything with, the kind you do everything with. The kind of friend you can call at 3 am just because you want to. We spent many nights, all night long, on the phone. (Probably another reason my sleep habits are all screwed up) We were both very involved in bodybuilding--she as a very successful bodybuilder, I as the trainer of very successful bodybuilders. My own competitive years were already long gone when we met. We traveled all over the state for her competitions. We always managed to turn those trips into vacations--a week here, a week in LA, a couple days in S.F., a few more in Sacramento or Orange County. It would be work hard, train hard for months, then the contest, THEN the vacation. Did I mention that my husband and I paid for all of it? The travel expenses, the hotels, the posing suits (bikinis) and Pro-Tan for her contests. All of it. Everything. Because I know how hard it is to compete without the money to do it right. So, I'm a little off track here.
Turns out my best friend, the winner of EVERY major contest on the west coast, is an alcoholic. Oh, I knew she drank. I just never realized how much until my DH and I separated for 18 months and D and I shared an apartment. Bad idea. And the beginning of the end of our friendship.
To make this very long story a little shorter, suffice it to say that her drinking got worse and worse, she lost like 12 jobs in 9 years due to her drinking, she got evicted from I don't know how many places and was hospitalized once after vomiting blood due to lack of stomach lining from drinking. After her last eviction, when I refused to help her financially (but DID offer her a tent and tarp. LOL) our friendship went down the tubes. But Roger and I had payed her deposits on her last 2 apts., as well as her utility deposits and there was no way we could do it again. (Now, I know some of you are gonna say she used me for the money. Perhaps, a little. But it never felt that way while we were friends. She also did a lot for me--housework, housesitting, petsitting, yardwork, etc.) On the day she had to be out of her apt. someone finally rented her a room in his house. A month later someone else moved in, she and D became buddies and I became non-existent. Sure, D called occasionally, when she had no one else to talk to. Until her new friend--a newly straight and sober person---decided I was probably part of D's drinking problem. (did I mention I'm not really a drinker, myself?) Anyhow, I have not heard from Dianna since August when she got fired and arrested all in one day. She called me --drunk-- 9 times that day. From work.
I have not heard from her since.
You're probably thinking, right about now, something like "why would you even WANT a friend like that?" Answer: I don't. But I truly and terribly miss the Dianna I first met 10 years ago. Before her drinking became a serious problem. I miss the person with the kind generous spirit who was really great to be around. Dianna was the person who built my confidence and self-esteem. The person who always picked me up when I fell, as I did for her. The one person who could push me past my own perception of what my physical limits were. I'd never bench pressed my own body weight before I met D and I never would have tried if she hadn't yelled at me, spit flying, and told me I could. I never would have done a 505 lb. leg press without her telling me I could. I NEVER would have gone catfishing at midnight, or gone crabbing at the end of a jetty sticking out into the Pacific. I never would have tubed down the Russian River and I never EVER would have skinny-dipped at a gay resort, for sure!
So what is this leading to? Just that I miss her. And I don't understand why she decided to shut me out of her life. Or why she moved to a different town without giving me her address. Or why she would call me, but wouldn't let me have her new phone number. I think I could be okay with not having her in my life if I just knew where she was and that she was okay.

What's your hidden talent?

2005-12-02T20:36:00.000-08:00

Here's mine!

Your Hidden Talent

You have the natural talent of rocking the boat, thwarting the system.
And while this may not seem big, it can be.
It's people like you who serve as the catalysts to major cultural changes.
You're just a bit behind the scenes, so no one really notices.

What's Your Hidden Talent?

More pics of where we'll be moving to.

2005-11-29T15:14:00.000-08:00

For condos, these are very cool. There more like urban loft apts. Each condo is above a business--we'll have a yarn store below ours. Then the second floor of the building is actually the first floor of the condo. It's one big open space--no walls. The kitchen sort of divides the casual family room area from the formal dining room and living room area. The powder room and the pantry are across from the kitchen. Then the third floor of the building is the second floor of the condo---does this make sense? The 3 bedrooms, 2 of the bathrooms and the laundry room are up there. All of the condos and shops surround the town "green". Right now it's gorgeous--all of the trees are strung with Christmas lights and they just put up the town Christmas tree there. The streetlamps are the old fashioned kind and it just looks so pretty all decorated for the holidays. I really wish we could have been in by Christmas!

Warm would be good.

2005-11-29T14:52:00.000-08:00

Geesh, it's so friggin freezing today. It's wet, gloomy and cold outside and inside isn't a whole lot better. This condo must not be well insulated because I have the heat truned up to about 75 and it's still cold in here!
On a much nicer note--things are going well all the way around. Cinnamon is feeling a lot better today and the swelling on either side of her jaw has gone down considerably. She had the drain removed from the top of her head yesterday afternoon and doesn't have to wear her clown collar 24 hours a day. Thank God, cause every time she tried walking with it on, she'd trip over it and land on her head. That can't be good!
We found out about our trash compactor in the new place today. The builder has been so snotty about the changes we want to make. We sort of demanded a compactor---we do not have individual garbage cans there, and I'm not walking half a block to the Dumpster every time I need to take out the trash. He was not happy about it at the time. But lo and behold--now anyone can have one. It's being offered as an upgrade now. My only fear was that that would mean I couldn't pick out the exact one I wanted. Turns out THAT'S the one they're now offering as an upgrade! It's funny, but I was hoping to get away from the "cookie cutter effect"--I wanted my place to be different from all of the neighbors. Now it seems like everything I picked out for my place is being offered as an upgrade to anyone. I think I've fooled them on the powder room downstairs, though!! I said I wanted them to eliminate the standard bathroom vanity cause I thought I'd put in a pedestal sink instead, so they didn't order the vanity cabinet. THEN I found out they started offering pedestal sinks as an upgrade. So I bought a gorgeous cabinet and a stainless steel vessel sink instead. They're gonna shit when they find out, but I'm keeping it a secret til I absolutely have to let them know. HEE HEE. Same with all the lighting fixtures--I didn't like what they offered, so I went and bought my own. If they don't want to install them, we'll take the standard offering and put our own up after we move in. I bet I can sell the other stuff on Ebay or Craigslist. I'm doing the same thing with my faucets, too. They're offering a bunch of different styles but they're all very country or Victorian looking. Our taste runs to comtemporary.
I'm once again getting excited about moving there. Now if I can just find some carpet I like. AAARGH. I am so not good at this!

The Culprit

2005-11-29T14:50:00.000-08:00

The Victim

2005-11-29T14:43:00.000-08:00

If it weren't stressful and chaotic, it would be someone else's life.

2005-11-28T10:49:00.000-08:00

Thanksgiving started out as a nice quiet day. Over the meadow and through the woods, etc. Off to my mom's for the day. No cooking, no cleaning... just Rog, Ryan, the 2 dogs and me, off to Grandma's.
Well, I still don't know what provoked it, but Savannah (the boxer) attacked Cinnamon (the chihuahua). It was so awful. One minute they were fine--Savannah was lying on her bed and Cinnamon was just wandering around. The next minute, Savannah had Cinnamon by the head and was shaking her like a rag doll. I screamed and yelled and Savannah dropped her, but before I could get to Cinnamon, Savannah got her again. OMG. It all happened in an INSTANT. Anyhow, Cinnamon's head immediately started swelling up and she had a grand mal seizure. Rog and I jumped in the car with the phone book and headed off, calling the emergency vet's office from the car to get directions. When we arrived at the vet's, they immediately took her in and gave her manitol (sp?) to relieve the swelling. Fortunately, Cinnamon still has an open fontanel on the top of her head which allowed her brain to swell with less pressure. I should probably inject here the fact that a similar occurance happened 2 years ago on Christmas Day. But that time, Savannah had been sedated and while still groggy, Cinnamon walked up into her face and Savannah just pounced. Cinnamon's skull was fractured. It was a nightmare, but we thought it happened because Savannah was groggy and didn't know what was in front of her. We also thought it was an isolated freaky sort of thing and would never happen again. These 2 dogs have lived together as best buddies for over 6 1/2 years.
Anyhow, Cinnamon had to stay in the hospital down near my mom's, which is over 100 miles from home. Of course, we did not have her seizure meds with us (she already had a seizure disorder) so Roger had to drive all the way home to get it, bring it all the way back down there and then drive all of us home that night. Cinnamon stayed down there. Then on Friday he had to go back down there to pick her up and bring her to the hospital up here.
Cinnamon is now home and doing quite well. She has a drain in the top of her head that hopefully will be removed this afternoon, and she has considerable swelling and bruising on either side of her face. But she's alive and seems to have suffered no brain damage.
I'm dealing with a considerable amount of guilt even though 4 different vets have told me it wasn't my fault. I already know that, but I just feel so awful that this poor little dog has had to go through this--TWICE. All 4 vets told me that when you have multiple dogs in a home, they will occasionally have a squabble. If the dogs are of equal size, it's no big deal. They usually just work it out between them and then it's over. But when you have a 60 lb. dog and a 6 lb. dog, THEN it's a problem. Yes, I know this makes sense, but I feel horrible just the same. I will never allow these 2 dogs to be in the same room again unless Savannah is muzzled. They have never been left together without someone with them, but this incident--and the last one--happened while we were right there.
So the lesson here is: If you own multiple dogs, even if they are the sweetest, most gentle lovable animals in the world, be aware that anything can happen at any time.
We have learned also that the hectic holiday season is NOT the time to include both of them in our plans.

Get your DJ name!! Mine is:

2005-11-26T23:20:00.000-08:00

Christine spins tunes as
DJ Demented Jelly

Get your dj name @ Quiz Me

The Story of Thanksgiving. I hope yours is wonderful!

2005-11-22T23:24:00.000-08:00

What kind of pie are you?

2005-11-19T14:31:00.000-08:00

find your inner PIE @ stvlive.com

Sit back, relax, and enjoy life, wouldya?

2005-11-18T12:49:00.000-08:00

All right, so maybe I'm not in a position to speak on this subject--after all, I'm still 15 lbs. from goal after 10 months on NS. But, folks, you've gotta live life--with pleasure. And sometimes, food is pleasure. Not great big mounds of food. But delicious, not-always-fat-free food. NS is a great weight loss plan that works, but you're (hopefully) not going to be buying their food forever. Are you really planning on never having another slice of real honest-to-God pizza? Or never again enjoying the creamy richness of ice cream melting on your tongue? Or having Chicken Kiev for dinner? We all talk about how NS teaches us portion control and healthy eating, but then we freak out over a small lapse. I'm sorry, but ONE doughnut doesn't make you fat. Dozens might, but not one, eaten as an occasional treat. One dinner out in a nice restaurant isn't gonna make you fat. Eating there every day might, but not eating there occasionally. That doesn't mean you should pig out while you're there---use the tools you've acquired through NS to make good choices. But if you have a piece of the sour dough bread dipped in olive oil, don't sweat it! If you CHOOSE to have dessert, enjoy it. Just don't have it daily. If it's Taco Tuesday in the office lunchroom, have a friggin' taco for God's sake. Just don't pile on the cheese and sour cream. This is what life's all about. Learn to deal with it. Literally. Learn to make the right choices and not feel guilty about a few "wrong" ones. And if the day comes that you can't look at a menu without thinking about how much cardio you'll have to do to burn off the calories of each entree listed, you've gone over the edge and you need to step back and take another look at what you're doing.

I just don't get it!!! MY personal rant about NS. RRRRRrrrrrr!

2005-11-16T10:06:00.000-08:00

I had originally started to post this on the NSBB, but I didn't want to offend anyone. So if you're here reading this, it's at your own risk of being offended. While perusing this morning's posts on the NSBB, I noticed a recurring theme. More complaints about the food, about the counselors, about customer service. BUT WHAT ARE WE DOING ABOUT IT? This is the only instance I can think of, where people are individually paying THOUSANDS of dollars (to a company that boasts over a MILLION members) and accepting inferior product! I'm not just referring to the food. I'm talking about the virtual model that only works half the time. I'm talking about the virtual exercise instructions that never work. I've been with NS since January and they have never worked. Not once. Never. They didn't work 5 years ago when I did NS the first time! I'm talking about the counselors who never respond. I'm talking about emailing tech support and getting nothing but a "form letter" in response. And yes, I'm talking about the food. $300 a month is a CAR PAYMENT, people. If my Xterra were performing to NS standards, I'd be filing a claim under the "lemon law" and demanding a better model. So for $300 a month (and if you haven't heard, it's going up), is it too much to ask for something above utility grade beef and chicken of indeterminate origin?
I just don't get why all the people who are complaining on the NSBB, aren't complaining directly to NS. Oh wait! I DO get it! Where on earth would you go to complain? Live Help?

What kind of fruit are you?

2005-11-15T17:36:00.000-08:00

Take the What Fruit Are You? test by Ellen!

The Princess and the Pee.

2005-11-12T17:48:00.000-08:00

No, this is not the story of the princess and the pea. It is the story of MY princess and her pee. So,all right, some of you already know I spoil my dog ridiculously. She has full reign over our home. And she is definitely my princess. I bought her this gorgeous dog bed and it's so funny how she knew, before it was out of the box, that it was HERS. The thing's so big, it's ridiculous. You could sleep a family of 4 pygmies in it. (Please don't send cards and letters, emails or other---I'm not prejudiced. But it is a fact, that pygmies are small people. If this still bothers you, pretend for a moment that I'm talking about pygmy goats). Anyhow, in a nutshell: my princess dog's bed is huge. Or my dog has a huge princess bed.
Next chapter. Savannah, though not well-trained in doggy etiquette, IS very well housetrained and has never, not once, had an "accident" in the house. Until yesterday. She had to wait until we were renting someone else's fully-beautifully- furnished home before she'd pee on carpet. This is what I get for buying her a $300+ doggy bed?
There is no moral to this at all. But it does involve a princess, a mattress and a pee. So I thought I'd write about it.

Soooo sick!

2005-11-11T17:20:00.000-08:00

I guess the past 2 months have finally caught up with me. I woke up this morning with the worst cold. UGH. I am not a nice sick person! I become whiny and needy and demanding. I expect my pharmacist husband to come up with a cure--NOW. And when he can't, all hell breaks loose. I want my special Chinese chrysanthemum tea, which is only found in San Francisco's Chinatown. My Chinese friend Amy, just moved to Florida, so I no longer have a "connection". I've tried other chrysanthemum teas, but they just don't work the same. Whatever this stuff was, it was a miracle cold cure! You had to boil it in water for about 3 hours, then strain it and add raw sugar to it. Tasted like shit, but you'd wake up the next day feeling great! I've lived on this stuff every winter for the past 5 years and I swear by it. Damn.
The dogs are driving me nuts today. They want to go out every 5 minutes to poop and pee. And they never want to go at the same time. I'm trying to get them to go out just 3 times a day, cause I can't stay home every day just to take them out. I'm going stir-crazy here. It's time to pick out out cabinets and flooring and appliances, etc. for the new home and I can't get outta here. Maybe Sunday we can take them with us and leave them in the car while we look at carpet. Otherwise, I don't know how we're gonna do it. I don't want to settle for stuff I don't like, just because I don't have time to go shopping. AAARGH.

Flashback Friday--for you, Jan!

2005-11-11T13:49:00.000-08:00

Jan's flashback of bugs in Australia, led me to think about bugs in Texas. Giant bugs in Lubbock, Texas. I arrived there in the spring of '73 with my 6 month old daughter. Her dad was a long-haul trucker and on one of his excursions fell in love with Lubbock (????) and decided to stay there. He called me up and told me to meet him there. I was in Sacramento at the time. So, off we flew to Texas, baby and me and all baby accoutrements.
We moved into the bottom of a triplex and our first night there was a nightmare. I opened up the cabinet under the kitchen sink and it was filled with GIANT cockroaches. Tons of them, big giant Texas sized cockroaches. OMG. We lived in that place for 6 months and I never got used to them and it was impossible to get rid of them. At night, if the baby woke up, I'd have to empty my slippers of cockroaches to walk over to the light switch. As soon as you flipped on the lights, hundreds of cockroaches would slip under the baseboards. Sometimes you'd wake up at night because a cockroach was walking across your pillow. Then there was the day, when Brandy was about 8 months old and I couldn't find her. I looked EVERYWHERE and she seemed to have vanished into thin air. All of a sudden I hear a giggle and a "nummy-nummy" from behind the radiator. There she was, happy as all get out, polishing off the last of a giant cockroach! Its legs were literally hanging out of her mouth and she just kept going ,"nummy, nummy" the whole time.
I will leave the story of the 17 year locusts for next week!

This will ruin your appetite!

2005-11-08T11:04:00.000-08:00

Well, if the pics don't ruin your appetite, my rant probably will.
Okay, so everytime I see a post on the NSBB about moldy muffins or whatever, I've thought that it can't possibly happen very often, right? Well, when I had moldy lemon poppyseed muffins, I figured it was no big deal. I didn't care for the muffins that much anyhow. But tonight, when I found mold on the other half of the piece of chocolate fudge cake I had just eaten, I just about lost it! I've been trying to stay 100% so I can lose the few pounds I've put on in the last couple of weeks and I've been doing great. So I figured I had cake, I had ff cool whip and I was gonna have dessert. Well, I did eat half. The pics will explain why I didn't eat the other half.
Part of the reason I quit buying NS foods was the quality issue. I got tired of eating compressed chicken and utility grade beef. The "baked" goods aren't that great and I can buy my own Cheerios, thank you very much. And let's be honest here--fresh eggs are a treat after those powdered things. I think my $250 a month can buy better food. Period. The chocolate fudge cake was just a reminder of why I don't like NS. It just burns my ass that they can charge $5.10 for 1 lousy chicken sponge thingie and get away with it. Or $10.00 for 3 hot dogs. NS tells us that part of our money goes to maintaining the website with all of the features it offers--so why doesn't the virtual exercise feature work? Why is the Virtual Model so hard to use? Why is it so hard to reach anyone at NS? I think, with approximately a million members, NS can do better. Don't get me wrong--I think the program is great. But it could be greater if we actually got everything we're supposed to. And I just think the food has quality issues. Or maybe I just have issues with the food quality.

Flashback Friday!

2005-11-04T13:05:00.000-08:00

Memories. All alone in the moonlight...
Seriously. I was all alone in the moonlight. My mom left me outside all by myself late at night when I was 3. She was really pissed off cause I was throwing a temper tantrum and threw me out on the porch. I'm sure it was only for a few minutes, but it seemed like all night to me. This was shortly after I ran with a lollipop in my mouth and I fell and the stick went through the roof of my mouth, missing my brain by 1 and 1/4 centimeters. If it had hit my brain, I would have died. I can see my gravestone now. It would probably say "There's a sucker born everyday. And one killed by a sucker occasionally. Here lies Chris, killed by a lollipop." I digress. I just remember my mouth and head were so sore and my mom stuck me out on the porch where I screamed bloody murder til the next-door neighbor complained. Then I went inside where my mom gave me a dose of paregoric and knocked me out. For those who are too young to remember, paregoric was a strong narcotic, popular in the 40's and 50's for teething pain, colic and anything else that made babies cry. It shut them up. Really fast.

Movin' on up, to the Eastside....

2005-11-04T11:40:00.000-08:00

Okay, so we've rented this condo in Fountaingrove until our own condo in Windsor is completed. Fountaingrove is the so-called "wealthy" part of town. Homes are over a million dollars, with quite a few costing closer to 2 million and a few for even more. So, I'm living in the poor part of Fountaingrove, if that makes sense. And everyone in this complex is retired. My son said they should have named it Stonefield Retirement Community. It's great, though, to see all of these seniors out playing tennis and golf--we're right across the street from the tennis court and can see the golf course right beyond that. We're probably the LEAST active people here as well as being the youngest.
ANYHOW---this condo is drop-dead gorgeous and I'm scared to death we'll ruin it with our 19 year old slob--I mean, son--and our 2 dogs and 1 cat. It's completely furnished with all new mission style furniture and looks professionally decorated. AAARGH. It's got 2 master suites that are to die for. It's all done in a Tuscan style---we're in wine country, after all--and there's a gorgeous mural on the breakfast nook wall. The colors are fabulous--different shades of gold, eggplant and persimmon on the walls. And the linens and towels are super luxurious--when I said completely furnished, I meant COMPLETELY. Linens, dishes, even soap dishes. It's like walking into a 5 star hotel. Everything is beautiful. God knows it should be for $2500 a month! I hope it still is when we leave!

Jan, you were so right!

2005-11-01T23:46:00.000-08:00

It's 11:44pm on Tuesday, the movers will be here at 8:30 tomorrow morning, and I'M NOT READY!!!!!
I have packed and cleaned and packed and cleaned. I've made 3 bazillion trips to the rental with boxes and food and all kinds of crap. And I still can't see light at the end of the tunnel.
Today I was supposed to take 2 of my cats to the shelter. Yes, I'm giving them up for adoption. It's a no-kill shelter, so I only feel half as guilty, I guess. It breaks my heart to give them up. I managed to take one cat there, but the other one was nowhere to be found. The shelter takes in animals by appointment only, so of course I was late after I spent all morning looking for Smudge. Never found him, so I took Cartman. It was absolutely heartwrenching. Now I'll have to do it again tomorrow, cause Smudge wandered home around 6! The Humane Society is wonderful. They are full up with cats and aren't taking any more in, but they made an exception for mine because I've tried so hard to find homes for them. I have advertised everywhere--Craigslist, newspaper, flyers in vets offices and the pet store. I've had a few bites, but the lady in Fairfax who was gonna take them had to bow out when her husband said no more cats. Then the elderly man who wanted one of them cause his cat passed away back in January didn't take one cause he had a meltdown when he got his cat carrier out of storage. He decided he wasn't ready for another cat yet. Anyhow, the Humane Society keeps the cats until they are adopted. Most cats are adopted within a couple of weeks and if you want they'll let you know when yours is adopted. They also have the vet check them out before they'll accept them and they charge $40 to relinquish an animal. That helps cover the cost of food and care. And it's a beautiful huge new facility that just opened last year. Can you tell I'm trying to tell myself they'll be okay? I have had these kitties since they were born! Their mother was my favorite cat. Anyhow, I hope they'll be okay. I will miss them so much. They're both cute and very friendly and affectionate so I'm sure they'll be in new homes soon. Cartman is the orange and white female and Smudge is the white and gray male so named because of the smudge of gray on his face.

This speaks for itself

2005-11-01T00:39:00.000-08:00

The blind leading the blind.

2005-10-29T15:23:00.000-07:00

So, okay, my 33 yr. old step-son is here today helping his dad pack up and clean the garage. This is so ridiculous, it's not even funny. They are worse (better?) than I am at the sentimentality game. They have gone through every box out there saying things like,"I remember this toy. I remember those clothes. You don't want to get rid of THIS, do you?"
What should be a one day project is gonna take a week at this rate. Meanwhile, I'm trying to finish the packing in the house. Where the hell did we get all these bottles of wine? We don't even drink wine. And cleaning supplies? OMG-who really needs 13 cans of Comet? I guess I did, cause that's what I've got. Along with 4 boxes of Swiffer dusters, tons of furniture polish, toilet bowl cleaner, etc., etc. You'd think I'd at least be living in a clean house. NOT.
At least my step-son is keeping his dad outta my hair. The scary thing is that the DH has to work Monday and Tuesday and if he doesn't get all this shit done, I am screwed! The movers will be here first thing Wednesday morning and I'm having a hard time seeing how it's all gonna be ready for them! Oh well.

Feelin' Groovy

2005-10-28T21:28:00.000-07:00

I have been lazy today. I finished packing up the kitchen, but have left a mess behind. Tomorrow morning I've got to get up early and clean some of this shit. I can't stand working in the middle of a mess. This is the most disorganized move I've ever done. It doesn't help that Roger and Ryan have to ask me questions every five minutes about where and how to pack stuff. Geez! Throw it in a box, guys. At this point I don't care how anything gets packed---as long as it gets done. And I do wish we could just finish one room at a time, so at least part of the house looks like it's done. Nope--they have to skip around from room to room, doing a little here, a little there. It's driving me nuts.
Dianna still hasn't called. I was hoping she'd call before I move just so I can let her know where she can find me if she ever needs to. WHAT WAS I THINKING? ?!?!
I guess I forgot that I no longer exist. I just don't get it--probably never will. How the FUCK can you be friends with someone for 10 years--best friends, even--and then forget the other person exists?
Despite all of the above, I'm in a great mood. Seeing the light at the end of the tunnel and feeling good about it. I am so looking forward to Thursday night. We'll be in the rental by then, hardly anything to unpack---aaah, the wonders of a furnished rental--- and I'll be able to get some rest!

Stole it from Jan--what can I say?

2005-10-26T23:07:00.000-07:00

1. First Name? Christine
2. Were you named after anyone? No--I have 111 (yep, 111) cousins and my parents wanted a name none of them had.
3. Do you wish on stars? Yep
4. When did you last cry? Yesterday
5. Do you like your handwriting? Yes, good penmanship is important to me (??)
6. Any bad habits? Yes--I'm an OBSESSIVE flosser. I go NOwhere without dental floss.
7. What is your most embarrassing CD on the shelf? Glenn Yarborough from the 60's
8. If you were another person, would YOU be friends with you? Absolutely. I'm a very loyal friend. I'll back you in any bar fight.
9. Are you a daredevil? Sometimes
10. Do looks matter? No--a lesson I learned the hard way. Passed up on a GREAT guy cause he was kinda geeky.
11. Where is your second home? France. I'm at home there as much as I am here.
12. Do you trust others easily? I used to.
13. What was your favorite toy as a child? My Roy Rogers Cowboy outfit
14. What class in school do you think is totally useless? Algebra
15. Do you have a journal? This one.
16. Do you use sarcasm a lot? Yes
7. Have you ever been in a mosh pit? No
18. What are your nicknames? Chris, C
19. Would you bungee jump? YES. I want to do the one next to the Queen Mary in Long Beach, CA
20. Do you untie your shoes when you take them off? Never
21. Do you think that you are strong willed? Yes.
22. What's your favorite ice cream flavor? Coffee
23. Shoe Size? Anywhere from a 6 1/2--dressy sandals-- to an 8--Nikes
24. What are your favorite colors? green, marine blue and persimmon
25. What is your least favorite thing? People who lie or have no real integrity
26. How many wisdom teeth do you have? None
27. How many people have a crush on you right now? One
28. What do you miss most right now? My sister, my brother, my dad
29. What color pants are you wearing? Black
30. What are you listening to right now? My son talking to his girlfriend on the phone and my dog snoring beside me
31. Last thing you ate? Blue M&M's--I only eat the blue ones--saves on calories, but I still get my fix.
32. If you were a crayon, what color would you be? Burnt Sienna
3. What is the weather like right now? cold and damp
34. Last person you talked to on the phone? the man who was supposed to come look at my cats and never showed up
35. The first thing you notice about the opposite sex? Hygiene
36. How are you today? Tired
37. Favorite drink? Vanilla Cappuccino from the mini-mart. It HAS to be Farmer's Bros. brand
38. Favorite alcoholic drink? I don't really drink, but Tanqueray and tonic when I do.
39. Favorite Sport? Volleyball and Bodybuilding
40. Hair color? Medium Brown,
41. Eye color? Brown--rather muddy looking brown right now, cause I'm tired
42. Do you wear contacts? No, glasses for distance
43. Siblings? One brother, one sister, both deceased
44. Favorite month? July
45. Favorite food? Lobster with corn on the cob and potato salad.
46. Last movie you watched? The Thrill of it All--Doris Day and James Garner
47. Summer or winter? Summer
48. Hugs or kisses? neither
49. Living Arrangements? Up in the air!
50. What book/magazine are you reading? Just finished "A Million Little Pieces"
51. What's on your mouse pad? nothing
52. Last thing you watched on TV? Oprah. James Frey, the author of "A Million Little Pieces" was on today

What kind of candy am I?

2005-10-24T18:45:00.000-07:00

Tootsie Roll Pop

It only takes three licks to get to your center!

What Kind of Candy Are You?

My husband is:

Butterfinger

They call you sticky fingers for a reason!

What Kind of Candy Are You?

Still smiling!

2005-10-20T15:53:00.000-07:00

A lot of people--even some of my closest friends--have never heard this before. It's really hard for me to talk about. Even harder to write it down.
It's not really a big deal or a big secret, just hard to talk about.
I have lost a lot of people I love in the past 15 years. We ALL suffer loss-it's part of being human. But I had a really hard time with it. Within 5 years I lost my dad, my best friend, my sister,one of my best friends lost 7 (yes, 7) babies due to miscarriage, stillbirth and premature birth. The 11 year old daughter of another friend passed away from complications of muscular dystrophy. My husband's friend died of a heart attack on his way home from work. Other than my dad, who died too young at the age of 63, everyone else was 45 or younger. I ignored my feelings of grief for over 5 years until I started having panic attacks and was diagnosed with post traumatic stress syndrome. I guess I just felt like I was the one who had to hold it all together for everyone, but I couldn't hold it together for myself anymore.
Anyhow, I got my shit together and quit feeling guilty about still being alive and went on to live a pretty normal existence. Then on New Year's Eve or New Year's Day 2004, my brother suddenly passed away at the age of 45. His body wasn't discovered for 3 days. He had an esophagitis related hemorrage and he bled out.
So now, the holidays are approaching and I'm depressed and dreading it. I am the only surviving member of my mother's family. I feel a huge responsibility to her and as much as I love her, sometimes it's really hard being the only one left for her. I have my own feelings to deal with and it's hard to deal with hers, too. I am once again feeling guilty about being alive. My dad's gone, my sister's gone and now my baby brother is gone. I can't even go to the mauseleum to bring flowers. I get so depressed when I see their 3 names there. I can't imagine what it is like for my mom to go there and see the names of her husband and 2 of her children.
This is a really hard time for me. The move is saddening me, the holidays are coming and I'm missing so many people who were so dear to me.
Okay, I guess I just needed to get that all out.
Now I feel a little better and maybe I can get something done. I've just been paralyzed lately with this huge depression. And there is no way I want to start spiraling down that black hole again. I just can't deal with it right now. So, off I go, smiling into the sunset. Honestly, I feel better now. Please don't leave comments suggesting anti-depressents. I know I probably need them, but they knock me on my ass and make me gain weight on top of it. Which will just make me MORE depressed! Just tell me to SNAP OUT OF IT! and I will. Thanks for "listening".

Dianna, you suck eggs.

2005-10-17T11:51:00.000-07:00

Open letter to Dianna: I can't believe you have just forgotten I exist. Like our friendship was so insignificant that you can forget it! We were best friends for 10 years. We've been through thick and thin together. How many road trips did we take together, laughing all the way? How many times did we call each other Thelma and Louise? How many of your bodybuilding contests did we do together? Who the FUCK payed for your entry fees, your posing suits, your Pro-tan? Who paid for the gasoline, the hotel rooms, the restaurants? And who did it with a smile on her face? And who got shit on in the end? I'm pissed and I'm hurt that apparently I was nothing more than a pocketbook for all those years. Funny, I never minded paying for all that stuff. Back then, the money was never an issue. I guess I resent it now, because looking back at it from a distance, I feel used. At the time, I just thought you were an awesome athlete (I still do) and a great person who just needed a break. We decided to "sponsor" you because you acted so humbly and you worked so damned hard at your sport. And you succeeded when all the odds were against you.
Now, I don't exist in your world and you are hardly in mine. I think of you often and wonder how you are. How strange that we no longer have a friendship. How sad that you no longer take part in contests. How heartbreaking that drinking became more important than either.

Like I don't have anything better to do??

2005-10-14T18:02:00.000-07:00

So, I've been home all day packing up my stuff. Cross living room, dining room and half of the kitchen off the list. WooHoo!
And I've been waiting for my realtor and my mortgage broker to come pick up their paperwork. Is there something in the air that I'm missing? It's 6 pm and NEITHER one of them has shown up. Roger and I sat down half of last night filling out paper work and signing forms and locating bank statements and paycheck stubs and NO ONE came to get it. That kind of stuff fries my ass.
Meanwhile, Savannah seems to be feeling a lot better. Thank goodness. I just don't have the fortitude to deal with another thing around here. But just like a kid, by the time the vet saw her, she was feeling a lot better. Figures. But I dare not complain. Now she's on antibiotics for vaginitis and antidepressants to keep her from getting totally stressed out when we move. Geez, that dog is on more medication. Lucky thing Roger's a pharmacist, or this stuff would be costing a fortune.
Now I just have to find homes for my 2 kitties. It is KILLING me to have to do this. But I can't take them to the condo and they deserve nice loving homes. I haven't gotten any replies to my ad on Craigslist, so I don't know what I'm gonna do. I just can't take them to the pound and the ASPCA no-kill shelter is full. Please, please make this work out okay.
Today, LIFE IS GOOD. Despite all the bullshit circling around, I'm feeling happy and satisfied with myself. Maybe this working thing has something to it. Okay, so it's not major work, it's merely packing boxes, but I feel like I've accomplished something.

Okay, the vet is coming to MY house.

2005-10-11T13:12:00.000-07:00

I didn't even know they made house calls! Dr. Mueller(Joy) is bringing her EKG stuff over here to run an EKG on Savannah. This ought to be fun. We have an appt. for an ultrsound on her heart, but if the EKG is okay, maybe we can skip it. It would be nice not to have to PAY for it! The last ultrasound cost us over $1000. Yikes.
Joy has been wonderful about helping keep the expenses dowm ever since Savannah's immune deficiency problem started. You gotta love vets--they're sure not in it for the money.
I still haven't started packing up the house. Every day there is a different delay. Tomorrow there are more movers coming over to give us estimates. So if I'm lucky, I can start packing on Thursday. I just don't know where to start!
Hope the rest of you are getting some time to smell the roses, begonias or whatever.

Dear God, It's me--Chris

2005-10-10T22:23:00.000-07:00

So this has not been the best week. Oh well.
The buyers had their inspection on Friday. The inspector found 6 windows whose seals had failed and now have condensation between the panes. AAARGH. We did put an "as is" clause in the sales contract so we wouldn't have to pay for any repairs if any were needed. We weren't anticipating anything, anyhow.
I don't know if the need to replace 6 windows would have broken the sale, but not wanting to take the chance (and being the nice person I am, LOL), I called Milgard Windows to check on the warranty. And found out that as long as I reported it to them before close of escrow, they WILL replace them for free! So at least now the buyers won't have that excuse to back out! And BTW---Milgard had the BEST customer service.
Today I had some estimates done for moving and storage. From a low of $5000 to a high of $7400. How does THAT happen? That's a pretty big difference.
Onward......
found out today it could be February before the condo is ready. This really sucks. We have to be out of this house by Nov. 1 and we've rented a furnished condo at the bargain rate of $2495 plus utilities, per month. If we have to be there an extra month PLUS pay another month's worth of storage on our own stuff, I'm gonna sob.
Downward.....
Savannah is sick again. We thought the antibiotics she was taking after she tore her claw 2 weeks ago bumped her out of remission. But the vet called with her blood test results tonight and all of her levels were fine. There was blood in her urine but they think that's because they got the urine sample with a syringe (OUCH) and the the needle prick led to the blood in the urine. But tomorrow I have to collect a sample (this ought to be fun---collecting a first morning urine sample from a dog who likes to pee in private). Then I have to deliver the sample to my regular vet. Then I have to take Savannah down to yet another pet hospital to have an ultrasound done on her heart and to have a Holter monitor attached to her! Since her current condition is not related to her immune deficiency disease, they think it's her heart. This poor dog--- she has NO energy and just sleeps all day now. I have to coax her out of bed in the morning and she doesn't want to eat breakfast til about noon. VERY unusal on both counts. All of this after just getting over her pancreatitis a couple of months ago. I swear---when people talk about living a dog's life, it's not this dog they mean. She hasn't had a healthy day in over 2 years now.
Now you all know why I spoil her rotten. Both JannyAnne and Tmarie_tmarie can attest to that! Savannah is truly spoiled, poorly trained, and not very well behaved. But I would put up with almost anything from her if I could give her a healthy life.

FED UP!

2005-10-10T00:13:00.000-07:00

I'm such a big baby about stuff. Like not getting credit when credit is due. It hurts my feelings. End of story.
Next subject. Ryan f***ed with my computer and now I have no up/down scroll feature on my drop down menu. And my desktop is all messed up. Why can't that kid just borrow my computer the way it is? He always has to change my settings, etc.
Next subject. I just have to stay away from the NSBB for a while. I'm tired of the "How much cheating is too much cheating" posts. Jeez. It just makes me want to fire off a smartass answer.
FED up. To here.

Hello, I'm happy!

2005-09-29T13:06:00.000-07:00

So this is what happy feels like! I woke up in an exceptionally good mood today, so you won't see any rants here. Have a wonderful day!

You are not the boss of me! Damn it.

2005-09-28T11:31:00.000-07:00

Open letter to my husband and son who are both sitting on my last nerve:

Okay guys, I am fed up. I've had it. Up to HERE. Roger, DH, I am tired of you speaking to me as if I'm your subordinate. I am your equal. Read that again. I am your equal. I did not marry you so that I could spend the rest of my life picking your dirty underwear and socks up off the floor. I did not marry you to put all of your dirty dishes in the dishwasher. I did not marry into a life of servitude. And if I'm not your slave, then you'd better start paying me. Cause housekeepers, cooks and landscapers are bringing home pretty good salaries these days. And I am tired of doing all this shit for nothing. I'm not asking for you to pay me in cash. What I want is a tiny bit of appreciation and recognition for what I do around here. What I REALLY want is for you guys to keep things clean for a few hours. Having this house look great to sell is WORK and if I'm doing all of that work, you two have got to at least maintain it. I'd like to feel a little support here, too. A hug now and then wouldn't be a bad idea either.
Ryan, dear son of mine, you are 19 years old. I am not YOUR servant either. All I've asked you to do is make your bed and put your dirty clothes in the hamper. I've been dusting and vacuuming your room and cleaning your bathroom---at least make it easier for me to do. I'm tired of picking up all your crap daily just so I can see the damned floor. I know you do not want to move and that you feel it is a great sacrifice for you to do so. But consider this: The money we will make on this house will more than pay for your college education. It means you will not have student loans to pay off when you graduate from college, which means you will start your adult life free of debt. Which believe me, is a HUGE deal. So quit acting like a spoiled brat and start acting more like the adult you want to be treated as.

I love you both, but get this straight---YOU ARE NOT THE BOSS OF ME!

The ants go marching 1 by 1, hurrah, hurrah

2005-09-27T15:03:00.000-07:00

OMG--we had over 40 real estate agents trudge through my house today for the brokers' open. I'm sure they just came for the food that was served, but hey, they came. Then I had one really nasty RE agent show my house this afternoon. Geez, I asked her to give me a few minutes so I could turn on the lights and get the dogs out of the house and she just about reamed me a new one. Helloooo! That's why it says "by appointment only" in the listing. Agents are asked to call first so I can remove the dogs and get the hell out of here. Calling first does not mean that you call from your cell phone while parked right in front of my house. I will be so glad when this is all over.
On another note, Txlilbits is a fake. Like we all didn't know that already. Posted photos of a Christian singer and said they were of her. This woman is sick. The strange thing is, there really IS a Lily Knowles living in Granbury, Texas. So is SHE the real TXlilbits or just a borrowed name and address? This just gets curiouser and curiouser. I swear, if I knew she didn't have caller ID, I'd call to find out! What does that make me?
I really miss all my NS friends. So many have left the board or aren't there very often. If they only knew how much they helped me out! In all kinds of different ways, not just with weight loss. I'm still feeling the loss of Diana's friendship, I guess. I can't believe that when she was in San Diego and I spoke to her on the phone, she was so friendly and said she'd call when she got back up here. Haven't heard from her since. I hope she's okay and not drinking. I'll probably worry about her for the rest of my life. I also can't believe that after being friends for 10 years, she's forgotten I exist. Was I that insignificant? Answer: YES. And I think I knew it all along. Had my last name been Foster's or Anheuser-Busch, we'd still be friends.

Feeling more optimistic today. Thank God.

2005-09-21T14:16:00.000-07:00

I was so bummed yesterday. Worried about money, wondering why no one is looking at my house. Still no calls today, but I spoke with one of my agents this morning and she reminded me that we haven't done any real adveritising to the general public and that won't start til next week. We also missed the last brokers' open. Our only advertising is in the MLS website and Realtor.com, nothing in the newspaper or local RE websites yet. So, I'm trying not to get discouraged yet. We have an open house again this Sunday and the brokers' open next Tuesday and the ads should start running in the real estated mags and the newspaper, too. The brokers' open will be a catered buffet lunch, so that should help draw in the agents who are too lazy to show up otherwise.
Tomorrow they're coming to spray the fungicide under my house and lay down a moisture barrier. Roger already replaced the trim board piece that was starting to rot and tightened the toilet, so all repairs will be done and we'll have a clear pest report. Geez, this selling of houses is a complicated business.

Well, this sucks.

2005-09-20T15:27:00.000-07:00

Our house has been on the market for 6 days now and no bites. We had a huge open house, but other than that only 4 people have come with realtors since last Wednesday. I still think we're overpriced, by about $15,000, for the current market. But our double agents say we're not. It's kind of scary cause if we don't sell soon, we'll have to take out a HUGE mortgage to cover both houses til this one sells. And I don't see how we can afford the payments on two houses. So our other option is to give up the condo and stay here. We have to sell this house by about the middle of October or we're screwed, cause that's when we have to order and pay for the upgrades in the condo. Right now we only have a $5000 deposit that we'll lose, on Monday that will go up to $15,000 and by the middle of October we'll have almost $45,000 we could lose. I just want to turn and run right now. I think Roger and I have to have a serious talk.

AAARRGGHHH!!! Just shoot me now.

2005-09-19T11:52:00.000-07:00

I am so totally exhausted! Mentally, physically, emotionally. It's gonna be harder to leave this house than I thought. We had our first open house here yesterday, so we took the dogs out for the day and went up to check on the progress being made on the new abode. It looks the same as last time, to me. The farmers' market was on the green and it was a LOT of fun. Fresh produce, flower bulbs, pottery and lots of food. And live music all day. We actually stopped at a cafe for a blended coffee and were able to have the dogs on the restaurant patio with us. VERY European! And very unusual for Roger to do something like that. We can go somewhere for the entire day and it will never cross his mind to stop for lunch or a soda or anything. Thank God we don't take long road trips---you could starve to death on your way to the Grand Canyon.
Open house went great. We had over 30 prospective buyers in the first 2 hours and steady traffic after that. All of my neighbors called last night to tell us they'd never seen anything like it. Hopefully someone will make an offer soon. If I have to move, I'd like to just get it over and done with. Roger's still excited about the move, but poor Ryan hasn't accepted it yet. I don't blame him. He's lived here almost his entire life and all of his friends are within a few blocks of here. Thankfully he'll be off to San Francisco State in June and maybe it won't be so bad.
I'm very emotional about it. I've never lived in any one place as long as I've been here, and I have so much invested in this house emotionally. After all, my last child grew up here. I'll really miss most of the neighbors. Most of us have been here since the homes were new and we've watched all of the little kids grow up and go off to college. Wow, it's gone by so fast!
Anyhow, if you want to see my real estate ad (big whoop), here's the addy. You'll have to cut and paste, as I'm too computer stupid to do a link. Believe me, I tried!

http://norcalmls.rapmls.com/scripts/mgrqispi.dll?APPNAME=Bareis&PRGNAME=MLSLogin&ARGUMENT=St%2BWcSNajDwPepuPyQfSSQ%3D%3D

NOW I'm really done. Maybe.

2005-09-14T16:27:00.000-07:00

I must be terribly anal. I stayed up til 4:30 this morning cleaning and washing floors to get ready for buyers at 10 am. OMG. I am so exhausted I can't see straingt. And I get to do it all over again tonight. Well, maybe not quite as much, but it will be like this til the house is sold. We also had our pest inspection today. They found standing water under our house and FUNGI. The inspector said that if he hadn't found it now, we would have had rotting wood in a couple of years. So we need to have a moisture barrier put down AND have it all sprayed with fungicide. YUCK. At least it wasn't mold. Then we would have had SERIOUS problems. The only other stuff he found was a loose toilet and a piece of outside trim that needs to be replaced. Nothing that money can't fix. LOL
I have to do a little more paint touch-up tonight. How I missed one spot, I don't know. Pretty soon, I won't be able to uncurl my fingers. They are seriously sore and swollen from holding paint brushes and rollers.
On the plus side---I've lost a total of 9 lbs. since I started getting the house ready to sell. It's almost easier than NS! And I've eaten nothing but take-out for days!

Done. Finis. The house is listed.

2005-09-09T21:25:00.000-07:00

Yeehaw! We finally listed with a real estate agent! Actually, TWO agents. They come as a team. I had the days mixed up and thought they were coming on Wednesday, but they didn't come til Thursday. I got the whole house cleaned on Wednesday and had to do it all over again yesterday. Oh well. I might as well get used to it. They told me over the phone that they thought we should list the house for $699K, but when they came and looked at the house last night, they upped it to $724,000. They hadn't realized the whole house had been remodeled. They told me I had a flair for color and design. Yeah, right! I had to go look at new model homes to come up with ideas. That's my little secret. I figure the way to sell your house is to make it look as much like a model home as possible. So I copied paint schemes and decor ideas. Is that like plagiarism?
Next, I have to have the carpets cleaned, but the real estate agents pay for that out of their commission. They ought to do something with all that money! I should have waited to have the windows washed---maybe they would have picked up the tab for that, too. They're going to put a virtual tour of my house on the internet. How fun. Then, you all can go look at my house! And leave me comments about how that much money would buy a way better house in a different part of the U.S.!

I'm fried.

2005-09-05T18:18:00.000-07:00

Yesterday my friend Jane sent some people over to look at my house. So I spent all morning dusting, vacuuming and washing floors. The people can't actually BUY my house, but it gave me an idea of what a stranger might think about it. And they liked it! Then we all walked down to another house in my neighborhood that was having an open house. It looked so bad, that it made me think I'm working too hard to make mine look good! Their cabinets were all peeling and flaking and they had broken tile around the fireplace, etc. and they were still asking $689,000. So I guess we'll ask at least $10k over that. The real estate agent is coming Wednesday pm to talk to us and give us her opinion.
My back yard still needs some work, but I pulled out all of the annuals and replaced them with small shrubs. Tomorrow, I'll redo the walk out to the hot tub. I just wish I had time to put a coat of sealer on the patio. Oh well.
We worked on the garage today. What a mess. But not a black widow in sight. It must be too late in the season for them. We had tons of them in June. I was so afraid to stick my hands behind anything today, but we didn't spot even one of them.
So the garage is ALMOST done. Amd the dumpster is almost full and the storage unit is almost full. Progress, at last!

Why call a handyman? You've got ME.

2005-08-29T22:16:00.000-07:00

This week totally sucks! I'm trying hard not to complain, but jeez Louise, I've got to light a fire under my DH's ass to get him moving. Yesterday he spent 6 (!!) hours cleaning out his HALF of the closet. I finally kicked him out and finished it myself. We were supposed to be painting our bedroom after cleaning the closet. Never happened. Here's what I have done so far this week:
Repaired gouges the dog made in the front door.
Primed and put 2 coats of paint on the front door.
Painted Master bathroom
Painted computer room
Painted hallway
refinished bathroom cabinets (2 bathrooms) and hallway cabinets
Repaired and painted door out to the garage
Replaced weather stripping
Painted computer room door and trim
Washed every friggin' baseboard in the house
Painted doorframes upstairs.
touched up paint in family room, hallway, living room, dining room and breakfast nook
and downstairs bathroom
Painted windowsills in everyroom except Ryans
and a zillion other little things
Also did every piece of dirty laundry except Ryan's socks---threw them out and bought new ones!
In all fairness, I have to say that Rog replaced cracked tiles in the shower, repaired a door frame and bought 2 new doors (which I have to paint).
This is an equitable split of tasks?!
I still have so much left to do--clean the blinds on 22 windows for one thing. thank God my mom offered to pay to have our windows cleaned!
Chores for tomorrow:
Move bedroom furniture away from the walls, clean the baseboards, take down the blinds and tape off everything so I can paint the room.
Oh yeah--and find homes for all the clean laundry! I don't think we've ever had all the towels and sheets clean at the same time so I hope they all fit in the linen closets.
Yeah, I know this is long already, but there's more. Roger has the holiday weekend off so we're cleaning out the garage. I rented a dumpster, so I hope he decides to throw some of his shit away. If we get THAT done, next week I'll clean up the yard, repair the railing on the front porch, do paint touchups on the house and replace my almost dead annuals with some cheap shrubs and throw down bark wherever the yard needs it. OMG, THEN it will be done and we can try to sell this place.

Movin' and groovin'

2005-08-27T22:41:00.000-07:00

So here I am, still in Sonoma County instead of the south of France. But hey, Sonoma County bills itself as the "new Provence", right? True. I ended up losing my airfare and the deposit on the house I was renting in Mouries, but we need to put our house on the market by the 15th of September and there's so much that needs to be done.
I have been painting my house all week to the point of exhaustion. Also true. I actually grabbed the wrong can of paint yesterday and painted half my hallway with the semi-gloss bone colored paint meant for my front door. I was just tired and didn't pay attention. So more work I've made for myself. I had to repaint everything in the light khaki color flat paint it was supposed to be.
Today, Noah, my 7 year old grandson was with us, so we didn't get much done, but tomorrow I have to paint my bedroom and a few doors and do about 30 loads of laundry. (My 19 yr. old son finally cleaned his room.) We'll be spending Labor Day Weekend cleaning out the garage and side yard.
If our move in date on the new abode hadn't been moved up a month, I think I would have gone to France, but I just didn't see how I could put the house on the market in 3 weeks if I were gone for 2.
Roger already promised me a trip to Europe or Tahiti in the spring to make up for it, so I'm not totally losing out. I was just looking forward to it so much. Oh well. Onward and upward. Moving forward and all that.

I feel like such a shit

2005-08-22T20:12:00.000-07:00

I've been really testy lately. Maybe testy isn't the right word. Bitchy is a little better, but that doesn't quite describe it either. Let's just say I've been extremely hard to live with. So poor Roger has been putting up with some real shit. And God bless him, he hasn't deserved about half of it. (The other half was WELL deserved, but that's a different story). Then I saw wearetheliving's post on the NSBB today about real proof that your DH loves you. I missed out on the original post, so I started it up again tonight cause I just had to share my story. If you missed it, here it is again:

My DH is always full of surprises. About 10 yrs. ago I had to go in for a second breast biopsy, and I was really scared. The first one came back inconclusive. I had gone shopping the day before and saw a gold bumblebee pin with an amethyst and a peridot for it's body. My mom's birthstone is peridot and my late sister's favorite gemstone was amethyst and my favorite color combination is green and purple. So I felt like it was my good luck charm, since it had those 3 things going for it. But it cost a few hundred dollars and there was no way I could buy it. So I went home and told my husband about it and I said that just seeing it was sure to bring me luck for my biopsy. He didn't say one word about it. The next morning I woke up really nervous about the biopsy I was having that afternoon, and I told myself I was gonna go get that bumblebee pin and put it on my credit card and I'd just have to find a way to pay for it. So I went to take my shower and get dressed. Then I called the store and asked them to please hold the pin and I'd be right there to pick it up. The salesgirl was really nice and told me she had just sold it 15 minutes before. I got off the phone and burst into tears. Anyhow, I got to the hospital later that day and changed into my gown and when I was laying on the gurney waiting to go to the OR, my DH pulled a little velvet pouch out of his pocket and asked me to close my eyes. Then he pinned the bumblebee pin on my hospital gown. He had run to the store while I was in the shower! And I swear that bumblebee brought me good luck! My MD had told me he expected to find a malignancy, and all he found were some calcifications that he removed. I'll never forget My DH's thoughtfulness.

Emily and Matthew--my 2 youngest grandkids

2005-08-20T21:51:00.000-07:00

Matthew is mellow and puts up with anything. Good thing, cause Emily is a little girl who spits nails.

Alllll-righty then!

2005-08-20T21:32:00.000-07:00

Finally my stomach has settled down a little after all of the condo business. I'm still feeling 80/20 on it. Hopefully the other 20 will kick in soon. It's just so darned depressing to leave the house I've lived in longer than anywhere else and where I've raised my youngest. It's gonna be hard to leave my 2 youngest grandchildren, who live 3 doors down from here, too. I had envisioned them running over on hot summer days to go for a swim or stopping by for cookies and milk after school. Mind you, they are still little--only 4 yrs old and 17 months and THEY won't know the difference. And I will only be 10 minutes away! Somebody slap me. HARD.
My oldest grandchild, Noah, is spending the night tonight for the first time ever. He's 7 and the smartest kid I've ever met! And I don't say this cause he's my grandchild. (He's actually a step-grandson and I'm his bonus grandma, cause he already has 2 others). Anyhow he turned 7 in January and his summer reading included Michael Crichton's Jurassic Park among other stuff. He finished the new Harry Potter in less than a week. We took him out for dinner tonight and he figured out the tip after informing us that it's either 15% or 20% depending on the service.
So we tested him on other percentages and he got them all right. And then recited his multiplication tables up to 12x15. OMG. This is the same kid who moved to San Francisco at the age of not-quite-five and memorized the street maps so he could give his mom directions on how to get everywhere. And knew what parallelegrams and trapezoids were at 18 months. Honestly, I'm NOT bragging---truth be told, he scares me! Besides, he didn't get it from me.
Tomorrow we're off to the air show and then we're going to hunt for the 55 Charlie Brown statues that are hidden all over town. We live in the town where Charles Schulz lived and worked so we are a HUGE Peanuts town. We even have a bronze statue of Charlie Brown and Snoopy in front of the old train depot. And a Peanuts museum and Snoopy's Ice Arena, etc, etc. They ought to call this Cutesy Santa Rosa.

Yowsers!

2005-08-19T23:45:00.000-07:00

OMG, this is how computer stupid I am!!! Nikkijedlo was kind enough to create a link to my blog for me, right? Well, I am soooooo stupid, that I did not delete the part of the HTML that had my email addy in it!! Then I posted the link on the NSBB and now everyone who reads that post has access to my email! LOL! All they have to do is click on the link! I did fix it in my profile, so that's okay. And if I remember to sign out of my email, I'm okay. But I guess I have to either get Jeremy to delete that post for me or I need to change my address. Thank God I'm not some weird subversive terrorist with secrets to hide! AAAARGH!
Okay, now I'll PROVE how really computer stupid I am! Donna and Christine both just let me know that no one can read my email. If you click on the first link I posted it takes you to Yahoo mail, but not to MY mail. Thank goodness! Honestly, my mail is pretty darn boring unless you're into all the blue humor I receive from my friend Jackie's husband! Sometimes as many as 155 jokes in one day. No shit.

Town Green Village

2005-08-19T22:41:00.000-07:00

The condos are above the shops. Entrances, decks, garages and resident parking are on the back side of the buildings. The park (town Green) is in the center of the village across the street from the buildings in the pics. Our condo will be right around the corner.

I did it!!! I put down the deposit on the condo today!

2005-08-19T21:56:00.000-07:00

And now I'm sick to my stomach. Seriously. I have logged more bathroom time today than in the past week total. I am a nervous wreck over this move. See, here's the deal. We live in a 2600 sq. ft. 4 bedroom, 3 bath house in a middle class neighborhood. It's worth about $700,000---LOW in an area where all new construction is a million plus. We'd always planned on staying here until retirement, then sell and use the equity to pay cash for a smaller home and not have to make mortgage payments after retirement. The glitch is this--it is no longer possible to do that here! The median price of a resale home is over $600,000 and as stated earlier, new construction is a million plus. And what you get for $600,000 is an 1100 sq. ft. starter home in a less than desirable neighborhood. And that's putting it nicely. So a couple of weeks ago we went up the the Village Green in the next town north of here and while walking around, I said, "gee, I could live in a place like this". And it just snowballed from there. The condos are in a very hip, kinda upscale area called the Town Green Village. It is built to resemble a European or Early American town, built around a park with the condos built over shops. There is an Irish Pub there and some really nice wine country restaurants. It looks almost like something you'd find in Aspen or Telluride. See the pics above of parts of the area. Our condo is not pictured because it's not finished. But it gives you a general idea of what the area looks like. The condos themselves are very cool and very large with an almost Loft type look----no walls downstairs and high ceilings. It's around 2000 sq. ft--3 bedrooms and 2 1/2 baths and a great kitchen. Almost as nice as the one we put in here when we remodeled. The downside is no backyard, just a large deck and a smaller garage than we have here, 1 less bedroom and a much smaller family room. It is going to be a HUGE transition. I also won't have my pool OR my home gym (which I just finished re-doing a couple of weeks ago!)
I know this is very lengthy and I hate to go on and on, but I am scared shitless of doing the wrong thing. I don't know if I'm gonna regret it or if we didn't move, if I'd regret THAT. You see, the thing that was the deciding factor is that we can have it completely paid off by the time Roger retires. And that sure would be nice. We would be able to do so much more fun stuff----travelling, etc. AAARGH!
Please excuse my rambling! It's gonna be a long sleepless night!

I'm so computer stupid.

2005-08-18T23:19:00.000-07:00

It's really getting frustrating working on this thing. I STILL can't get my link to work. I followed everyone's instructions and I'm still not doing something right. Even more frustrating is Jan's comment after my last post, telling me that now she can do it! LOL!!
Thank god this week is almost over. It's been really nuts around here. My son started back at school, Roger and I are still going back and forth on the condo, I met a friend for drinks last night at a restaurant in the Village (where the condo is) and we had a blast. I spoke with a few people who live there and they love it. Every Thursday night in the summer they have the farmers' market followed by old movies shown "on the Green". On Sunday afternoons, they have free concerts. Anyhoo, we have to decide by 8 am tomorrow. And we haven't really discussed it. I always want to go into great depth in discussions. Roger isn't much of a communicator. So there you have it....I don't know how we've stayed married this long! I usually try to drag him into a conversation once he gets into bed. It's the only time he's not glued to the television and I refuse to decide my future over talk of autopsy stuff on CSI: Anywhere. Kinda makes you wonder how we've made so many important decisions about stuff, though. I mean, here we are,down to the deadline, deposit check due by tomorrow and we've barely talked about it. All he says is, "Logistically, it makes sense." WTF does that mean? Basically, it means I can decide, but if he's unhappy in say, 5 years,it will be all my fault. AAARGH!

Okay, so they're looking a little tired!

2005-08-17T01:58:00.000-07:00

Rubber Ducky,you're the one!

2005-08-17T01:17:00.000-07:00

My package from mmangon (Maureen) arrived UPS today! How FUN! She sent me a box of 12 rubber duckies. They are so cute. I had a laugh with(or about) the UPS guy. I asked him to wait while I opened the box, cause I wanted to make sure my VERY IMPORTANT package had arrived undamaged. He just about peed his pants when he saw what was in the box. I don't know if he was pissed that I made him stick around for rubber duckies or if he was just struck speechless, but he sure didn't have much of a sense of humor. I thought it was hilarious. I figured those duckies were hot and tired from their long cross country trip so I put them in the pool for a swim. They are funny. One is dressed like Count Dracula, cape, fangs and Eddie Munster hairdo. If I can figure out how to get another pic on here, I'll post one.
We still haven't decided about the condo. My DH will end up taking too much time deciding, so I'm afraid we'll miss out on it and be sorry later. He'd really like to stay in this house after all the work he's put into in--he installed our granite countertops, slate floors, remodeled the bathroom, etc., by himself, redid the floors in most of the rest of the house and just redid our whole side yard. So I don't blame him. It would be nice to enjoy it for a while. I just think it makes more sense financially to move soon. If we stay here for another 5-6 years, we'll have to redo everything we just did! Oh well, whatever happens will be what's meant to be. I just feel that the universe is trying to tell us something and we should listen. We already have some people who want to buy our house. They're friends of a neighbor and have been trying to get into this neighborhood for 4 years and have missed out on every house that's been on the market. Que Sera', Sera'.
Still haven't heard from Dianna. I'm worried about her, but I know she's not going to call after last weeks drunken fiasco. No way will she admit to me that she blew it. She goes to court on the 25th. Her sister told me that Dianna thinks she'll get off with just a slap on the wrist. I'd like to go to court to offer her moral support (what, am I nuts?) and to see what happens, but she doesn't know that I know. And she'd figure out that her sister and I have talked and she'd be really pissed. Although I'm not sure why I care if she gets pissed. Like she didn't totally hurt me last fall and not care? I really hope she gets sentenced to something like 30 days in the county jail followed by rehab. She's already done rehab once and obviously it didn't work. Maybe some jail time would be humiliating enough to make her realize she needs help. AAAARGH!

Whoooo-ee!

2005-08-15T23:17:00.000-07:00

This has just been a weird friggin day. Rog may be one of the greatest husbands in the world--he did give me the Harley, after all, and that huge freakin diamond for our 20th anniversary--but he's driving me NUTS. The man is the world's largest pack rat and I can't take it anymore. I'm trying to get the house ready in case we put it on the market soon and I can't believe the stuff I'm finding in the weirdest places. You'd have to see my house, but there are closets everywhere. My upstairs hallway has 2 huge linen closets plus a wall of cabinets. And every one of them is filled with holiday stuff and I don't mean just Christmas stuff. We still have every Halloween costume our 4 kids ever wore. And said kids are now ages 34,33,32 and 19. Nobody's ever gonna be Chip or Dale again. Or Tiger Lily or Capt. Hook. Jeez Louise. The man refuses to get rid of this stuff. Huh? And the garage. OMG. Every box from every small appliance we have ever had is out there. We have boxes for blenders and telephones that broke 10 years ago. We have furniture, tools,a water softener that never got installed (yeah, Roger, THAT was money well spent!) and the old toilet out of the bathroom we remodeled 2 years ago. I guess we could use it as a planter on the deck of the condo we're looking to buy! LOL
And vehicles--We have 3 cars we use, 1 camping trailer, 1 utility trailer, a pick-up truck that was my son's first car--it's a combination 1972/1979 Chevy Luv that is 2 toned--- red under the peeling green paint, a 1965 Mustang that was my son's second car, AND the above mentioned Harley. And not one of them fits in the garage because of my husband's illness---packratitis. AAARGH!
So instead of really getting anything accomplished, I have spent the day sorting out crap. I've felt like I'm in some weird parallel universe all day. I know none of this makes much sense.

I'm thinking about exercise

2005-08-15T18:47:00.000-07:00

I'm considering adding an exercise newsletter to my blog. I don't know if anyone will be interested, but I answer so many individual emails, that I thought it might be nice if people can just check here for different info. I'd still answer everyone's emails or questions here as well. Hmmmm. Let me know what you think.

2005-08-11T15:56:00.000-07:00

You Are 30% Weird

Not enough to scare other people...
But sometimes you scare yourself.

How Weird Are You?

2005-08-11T15:40:00.000-07:00

January, 2005--before Nutrisystem

Moving up?

2005-08-11T14:03:00.000-07:00

We've started talking about where we're gonna go when Roger retires. Hmmmm. We were buying property in Baja California, but put it on hold for a while. Can't decide if we want to build a house there or buy a condo and use it for vacations only. Now we're thinking about selling the house we're in and using the equity to buy another home--downsizing, I guess. We looked at a gorgeous condo in an area called Town Green Village. All of the condos are actually over shops and the whole area looks very European or early American-town-square. The facade of each condo is different. some are brick, some stucco, some wood siding. Tall windows, wrought-iron balconies. Very quaint. I could easily give up having a yard to take care of. I'd miss the pool, but not the gardening. Problem is, I have too many pets. You're only allowed 2 and I have 2 dogs, 3 cats, 2 birds and a snake. I could lose the birds and snake, but I don't think I could give up my cats and the dogs are going NOWHERE!
Good news on the weight front. Another lb. down today. Whoohoo! I did cancel my gym membership today. I never go there and now that I've finished my home gym, I've been working out here, anyhow. That'll save me $60 a month. Which just happens to be the same amount as my new sewing machine payment. Like I'll use the sewing machine any more than I used the gym! Yeah, right!

Sleep is good

2005-08-11T00:15:00.000-07:00

I'm doing this weird sleeping thing lately. My entire body clock is out of whack for some god-only-knows-why reason. Sometimes I'm up at 6 am, ready to face the day, sometimes it's 10:30 before I even open my eyes. The time I go to sleep seems to have nothing to do with it. I think it has more to do with how loudly Roger snores and how much room the dog takes up on my bed. Last night, I must've punched Roger 10 different times and yelled at him to shut up. I swear, his snoring sounds like snot flying backwards in his head at about 200 miles an hour. I've been trying to talk him into seeing the doctor about it, but he says buy he says it doesn't bother him. Well, no shit! HE'S ASLEEP.
Anyhow, I've been feeling really depressed lately. Which could explain the weird sleep thing, come to think about it. There have been a lot of life changing things going on in the past year, including my brother's death. It didn't really hit me til a few months ago. Kind of a delayed reaction. I've had a lot of losses in the past--my dad, my sister and now my brother. It just kind of hit me a few months ago that I'm the last one left besides my mom. And it just made me really sad. And then my best friend of over 10 years (Dianna) just kind of dumped me last fall when she made a new friend. So that made me sad, too. So I wanted to just sort of cut my losses and move on, but it's easier said than done. Dianna is a major alcoholic who just fell off the wagon again. She called me from work on Friday, totally wasted, about 8 times. During her last call, she was yelling that she had to get off the phone to go get rid of some customer. Next thing I know, her sister is calling me to tell me Dianna got arrested for disorderly conduct and resisting arrest. She had to spend the night in jail and ended up with a broken nose and 2 black eyes from fighting the cops. Apparently, getting rid of that customer included physically assaulting him. Her new best friend bailed her out took her home. Of course, Dianna also lost her job--no surprise there--it's the 14th job she's lost in just over 10 years. So THAT made me sad. I need to get over this shit! But to see someone who was a top competitive athlete just go down the tubes, sucks. She had everything going for her and just sabotaged everything good that came her way.
On the upside, I'm doing okay with my weight. It's slowly starting to come off. I've lost almost all of the weight I had regained, so I'm feeling optimistic. I thought about asking the doctor for some antidepressants to get me over this hump, but since most of them cause weight gain, I decided against it. My extra weight is part of what's causing the depression! Such a Catch-22!

crappy day

2005-07-16T15:33:00.000-07:00

way crappy